Loss and Grief is a tragic time for both families and friends, losing someone who cared makes people feel sad and anger, you feel you never gotten enough time to spend with your love ones, while other might still be an stage of shock or confusion with the reasoning being too young to understand lose or the effects this will of their life that can change of how they’ll seen in the world for now on. During December of 2021, I had to face a very dark time in my life for both my family and myself. Everything felt so dark and gray that year with the holidays only feeling dreadful.
Grief is hard to move on from, especially when a close family member like a grandfather passes on so soon. I never got to see him often, only hearing the memories of my mother and aunts of what my grandfather was like and what he believed was important for his children. He knew how important education was, always expecting my mother to do well and graduate highschool. Although the stress was something that he dealt with, he still managed to provide so much for my mother and her siblings. If he was still around, he would want me to succeed with my education.
Even though this is years after his passing, I still try my best to remember him as although love ones pass on, their significance to our lives will forever impact our choices and even when its hard. I believe he would hope for me to continue on and not give up on my education or my future.
Although it’s heartbreaking to not see him as I go to college. I’ll have to face the hardships of life and still move forward as I believed he would want for me, and I hope to succeed once I complete this part of my life, with the sky not looking so dark and gloomy as before.
This was a very strong and powerful message behind grief. I wanna start by saying I’m sorry for your loss. I myself have dealt with grief and it is definitely a very common experience amongst our communities, in which we all dread. Like you said it is a time of anger and sadness, but also the time where we are able to laugh about the little things and remember that person for they impact they have placed in our lives.
This was such a powerful blog post and I am so sorry for your loss. I really feel your pain because I have a family member that passed away that I wish saw things that I have accomplished and things that I have yet to accomplish. For a grief and loss post you did a really good job and once again I’m so sorry for your loss.
This was such a powerful blog post and I am so sorry for your loss. I really feel your pain because I too felt and dealt with this type of grief. My grandfather was also my best friend and it too broke my heart seeing and hearing him pass away. You did a great job!!!
This was a strong and brave message about grief. For starters I am extremely sorry for your loss. Grief is a very difficult thing and sadly it is very common to appear is everyones lifetime a handful of times. And as you stated usually grief starts with anger, sadness, and sometimes even regret. But as time passes by you start to remember all the good times and experiences that were had and the impact they had on your life. This was a very brave post talking about something as sensitive as this.
Grief is hard, and it is never linear. I lost my grandfather years ago and it hits me when big events come up and he’s not here to witness them. I love and appreciate your thoughts on grief. Remember that even if he’s not physically here he’s still so proud of you and smiling down on you everyday!
I want to start by saying that I am so sorry and that this response resonated deeply with me. Having lost my own grandfather I can somewhat understand the pain you feel and I agree with the fact that they are such important figures in our lives.
This message behind grief is very powerful. I want to begin by saying, I am very sorry for your loss. I understand your grief and the pain that comes with it since, I too have lost my grandfather whom I was very close with. You did a great job expressing the emotions that come with grief, and yet again, I am so sorry for your loss!
Going into the summer of 2024, my girlfriend for the last year or so had decided to end things between us. I’m not going to make this a sad “mope” story but instead, I’d like to share something that I now hold deeply to myself. Everyone told me to move on, to let go of my feelings and memories I have of and towards her. While I agree with the idea of moving on from the feelings I have, as I shouldn’t waste my time hoping for something that is over and done with, I believe that there is a part of the lost relationship I should hold on to. I believe that I should hold on to the lows, the arguments, the stressful nights, and the mistakes I made. I feel that if I am able to hold on to and reflect on where I went wrong on these things, I can take them onwards with me with everything else I face in the future. By holding onto these bad things, I can also set standards and discipline on myself into future relationships or day to day life. I give this advice to just about anyone no matter the situation, however I don’t want someone to beat themselves up over the mistakes they made, realizing that they were wrong at one point is the important part. Hopefully one day, everyone in society is able to hold on to their own mistakes, and start to accept some responsibility for them.
I agree with your statement completely, as holding yourself responsible for your actions and learning from past mistakes is a key step in not only moving on from the past, but a key step in self improvement. Thank you for sharing.
I am in agreement with your sentiment. While being able to take the lessons you’ve learned from a relationship and being able to enable them for the use of a better future, it also can very well hurt when your family, friends, and other loved ones just tell you to move on, seemingly invalidating the fact you are hurt. It is also important to recognize how important the feelings you had with the ones you loved were, even if said people might no longer be with us.
What an incredible statement. I love how you choose not to only think of the negatives that come with the ending of a relationship. Taking the time to reflect on yourself and look forward to being a better person in your future relationships speaks to the person you are.
It’s very good to take accountability for your actions during this. I myself am in a relationship right now and I can definitely tell times can get very hard and stressful, but no matter what, everything you do is a learning experience to help build and grow yourself to a better version, so that at some point you can use the things you learned with a new person. No matter what relationships are going to be a very hard commitment, but pushing yourself to be the best you can and remaining happy on both ends, everything will be great. So definitely remember this relationship not in a bad way, but in a growing way. You got this!
This is such a good message. Although losing a relationship is hard and the first thing people want to do is forget about it, it’s important to remember that it’s still a part of your life and that you should take the opportunity to learn from it and grow instead of passing it by and not taking the time to process. I wish you well on your healing journey!
When I think of grief and loss I am overcame with emotions. I am the type of person to not want to face my feelings head on, but rather joke around them and shut them down. I have had my fair share of facing grief. Although I have only ever known one person to leave this earth that person was the most important to me. My mom. She passed away my sophomore year of high school due to a heart attack when I was just freshly 16 years old. I have lived with my grandmother since I was 12 years old due to my mom having addiction issues, but my mom was still always my best friend. The night she had her heart attack me and my grandmother were the ones to find her unresponsive. She then was resuscitated by EMT’s, but was later declared brain dead. She passed away 2 months later. She raised me and my 2 older siblings as a single mother and still she was the most brightly shining person I have ever known. It has been a struggle to continue to progress in my life without her. Not knowing whether she is proud of the decisions I have made, and not knowing what advice she would give me for my future years of college. I live to make her proud and to carry her memories with me. She was always my best friend and always will be. I believe she would want me to put all of my effort and energy into my experience at UMD and I’m going to do just that. From going through this traumatic experience I have learned the hardship of not being able to talk to your favorite person anymore. I have learned not to take anything for granted in life. Even when things get hard you have to live through it, feel through it, and come out the other end stronger for it. I will always share my story to raise awareness on addiction in hope that in doing so I can potentially save someones life. It isn’t always sad to think about in time you begin to find the calm in the storm.
Dear Aubry, I’m so sorry for your loss but your story makes me believe that your mother, your best friend, would be so proud of you. Welcome to UMassD!
I’m sorry about your mother, I know things can be very challenging but you can do anything if you believe in yourself and try hard and you are not alone in Umass Dartmouth.
I am so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine the pain and grief you have went through. I understand where your coming from when you say your not the type of person to face your feelings. When facing negative emotions we often burry them and don’t want to share them with the world. Thank you for opening up to your UMASS D classmates and telling us your story. Your not alone!
Aubry,
I am so unbelievably sorry! You are so incredibly strong and you will do amazing things that will make her so so proud. Know that there will be so many people at UMD that are rooting for you just as much as she is!
Aubry,
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom the feeling of losing my mother whether she’s in your life or not that is the woman who brought your here. She is most defiantly proud of you for being here and sharing her story.
This was such a powerful blog post and I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother can be a very tough thing to over come and grieve. Things are definitely going to be challenging but Im sure your mother would be proud of how far you’ve come.
Hi aubry,
i just wanted to share that i also lost my mother due to addiction. she committed 8 months before i was supposed to graduate and turns 18- after she was clean for 10 years. i completely understand your feelings around wanting to make her proud. when i am struggling to make a big decision i step back and think- what would she want me to do? how would she help me cope with this stress? it has become my biggest motivator, and i think yours too. we can definitely bond over the fact that we share their stories very bluntly. addiction is horrific and life altering to everyone around them- and we have both seen this first hand. when we are not blunt, when we sugar coat things, it makes it hard for people seeking help to actually go through with fighting against their addiction. and to anyone read this, if you are struggling with addiction, suicidal ideation, or anything along those lines… there IS help. no matter what. even if you dont feel it- the people around you will mourn you to the highest extent. losing a family member to addiction is one of the most gut wrenching things. i often think “why didnt she just get help? she knows its out there. why didnt she come to me? why couldnt i help?”. if youre struggling PLEASE get help. and aubry i appluad you for resilience, i know how strong you have to be to go through something like this.
I am so sorry that you have had to experience such a tremendous loss. Losing someone so close is heartbreaking but that fact you continue to spread her stories is amazing and it shows just how strong you are to overcome this event.
Grief and loss is something that comes in all forms. A loss is not something that always correlates with death…. same with grief. High school is definitely a period of time where one will experience at least one situation with both loss and grief. Teenagers are easily susceptible to what people think of them, especially when that thing or person is extremely important to them.
For me, track was one of the most important things for me. By the end of my senior year, the love for track was fading away, simply because of a comment my coach made about my body. Track was everything for me, it was the one thing that helped me relieve stress, allowed me to be myself, and just something I was really good at.
The comment my coach made about me took a huge toll on my mental health and how I view myself today. One simple comment sabotaged me being captain of a team that was supposed to look up to me and lean on me. Losing something that meant everything put me in a long state of grief. Going to practices everyday miserable, crying, and no longer feeling good enough carried onto my team.
Starting fresh with new people, a new environment, and a place an hour ago from my hometown gives me a sense of relief and safety. Grief and loss also comes with healing. College for me has a different meaning, for me it will allow new opportunities and an overall “new leaf” . I get to leave all of the hurt I have experienced in highschool and start a brand new chapter without grief and loss.
I greatly agree that a hundred compliments can be drowned in the wake of even just one insult from someone you care about. I feel that it’s human nature to seek out the approval of others, especially those who matter so much to us. It’s good to hear that college will help undo what your coach did and gives me hope for other people with similar experiences going into our freshman year.
Alyssa M
The feeling of grief and loss is a very hard feeling that people have to go through. The loss of a friend, family member, or a pet can be very hard for others to understand. It is unexpected and this feeling does not just go away. Emotions run through the body and many people cannot handle it. My grandparents had two dogs when I was a child. One of them did not like me so I would not be able to pet her. The other was very loveable. I enjoyed spending time with both of them every time I would visit my grandparents house. I would go on vet visits with my grandparents to bring them to the vet to get check ups. One day I was sitting in front of the tv and one of the dogs was rubbing up against my back. I thought it was the one that loved attention from me. I turned around and it was the dog that did not like to be pet. I was in shock when I put my hand on her and was able to pet her with no bad reactions. I knew that day something was up. I felt many emotions run through my body. I felt somewhat happy that I was finally able to make peace with her but I also felt some sort of sadness inside of me because it was not normal for her to do that. A few weeks later I got the news that she was put down. I sat there that day and sobbed. Even though I was only able to pet her once, she still meant a lot to me. I would take care of her by feeding her and letting her run in the backyard of my grandparents house. It felt so unexpected and at first I did not think it was real. I did not want to believe it. Every time that I visited my grandparents house from then on, it felt like something was missing. Months passed and my grandparents got a new dog. I was happy for them, I really was. But something inside of me was angry at them because I thought to myself “how do they just replace her like that?” I have realized that these pets are not their childhood pets, they have had their childhood pets. So I went on to ask my mother about her experience with the loss of her childhood dog. She had the same feelings that I did and as time went on, she was finally able to remove that feeling she had felt but still always remembered her childhood dog. I asked the same question to my grandparents and they said the same thing.
As I go into college, I remember that it can be a hard feeling to understand and feel. I was very young during my childhood dog’s death so I did not understand how to handle my feelings. Looking back at it, I have realized that I am allowed to talk about my feelings with others and that someone will always be there for me. I believe that everyone at UmassD should know that they always have someone to talk to. I know she is up there watching over me as I go onto college and I will forever cherish the moments I had with her.
I want to say thank you for sharing your story it’s so extremely hard to deal with a loss of a pet. But it is always good to think of the good times you had with them.
Hello!, Im so sorry for hearing about the lost of your pets. Pets hold so much meaning in our lives and we depend on them heavy because they are there with us during the hard times.
After losing a very close family member, my parents took on the huge responsibility of raising her five-year-old son, my little cousin. Because he was so young, we had to teach him to read and write, try to get him to enjoy school, help him make friends, and comfort him after the passing of his mom. Since the tragedy was so unexpected, we were all still in a state of shock for many months, and my mom and dad were relearning how to parent a young child after both of their children were already teenagers.
A year flew past, and somehow it still didn’t sink in that she wasn’t with us anymore. I had lost grandparents, uncles, and aunts before, so I didn’t understand why I was frozen with shock. I always believed that the five stages of grief would happen in order, and that it would happen quickly. I thought maybe it was because she was so young and her passing was too early, or maybe because we were unprepared. Maybe with the stress of taking in my cousin, my family didn’t have time to stop and think.
After things started to calm down, I was finally able to mourn at my own pace. Anger, sadness, and guilt cycled through me with such intensity. However, I was still so confused on why I was having all these different feelings in such sporadic order. But I began to realize that grief doesn’t have a time limit and does not happen in a predictable timeline.
Grief will pull you in so many different directions before you make sense of your new reality. You will feel so much more than just the five stages you’re “supposed” to go through. You could feel isolated, anxious, and weak at times, but you can also feel happiness and joy. Of course, I will ever “get over” this loss, but now that I know there is no grief guideline, time has started to heal my open wounds.
Thank you so much for sharing something that is very meaningful to you and others. In life we have obstacles but your family took a big responsibility to care for a young kid. Grief can be rocky at points but how your family choose to cope with this changed a littles boy life. I also want to thank you for explaining that grief can come in many ways not just the 5 stages.
This is such an empowering statement and I love the perspective of grief not having any set stages is beautiful. It makes a lot of sense since everyone will have different experiences with grief and how loss will cause it.
I used to think sports were all about winning. To me, being the best on the field was what mattered most. Then something happened during my senior year that completely changed how I view sports and their importance.
As a member of our high school Football, I’ve had my share of victories and defeats, but the most impactful moment came off the field. Our teammate Jacob, who was not only a great player but also a close friend to many of us, tragically passed away in a car accident. The news hit our team hard. We were devastated, and the excitement of our season suddenly felt irrelevant.
What happened next was incredible. The teams we had fiercely competed against reached out with messages of support. They attended the memorial service, shared stories about Jacob, and helped us cope with our loss. In that moment, the intense rivalries we had didn’t matter anymore. We were just people looking out for each other, united in our grief and our memories of Jacob.
This experience taught me that sports are about so much more than winning. They’re about resilience, teamwork, and respect. Sports have the unique ability to bring people together, to create a sense of community that goes beyond the game. As I prepare to enter UMass, I believe this lesson is vital. Sports can help us connect with others, build friendships, and foster a supportive community.
At UMass Dartmouth, sports can be a place where students, faculty, and staff come together to celebrate not just victories, but the spirit of teamwork and support. Even if someone isn’t a sports fan, they can appreciate the values sports teach; perseverance, cooperation, and the importance of being there for one another.
Reflecting on this, I’m reminded of a quote by Nelson Mandela: “Sports has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire. It has the power to unite people in a way that little else does.” Will we use this power to create a more inclusive and compassionate community?
I learned that the absence of others can provide you with the presence of yourself. Read that again.
December 4th, 2022, at 4:44 am I watched my mother take her last breath. I saw her chest fall for the last time and my heart fell right with it. I was in shock; I was in so much shock that I when to school the next day and just could not cry. I let my teachers know and I remember seeing the color leave my math teacher’s face. I had to plan the funeral, I picked the spot, her outfit, her casket color, I wrote the obituary not because I wanted to; because I was the only person who has not lost it yet. But then I saw her. I saw my lively mother laying in a casket and then I lost it. I finally let it out. The most heart wrenching cry I have ever cried in my entire life. I again froze. I could not breathe; it is not fair. I believed with all my heart that she would be okay. I lost a hefty portion of myself the day my mother died.
It took a lot to heal. Heal my grades, heal my soul, heal my siblings, heal my family. I struggled and I spent so many nights crying to God and praying that He would make today my last day on this earth, but God showed me that my tribulations do not sum up my life. Each day that I woke up was not punishment, but rather a new day for me to get my life looking how I want it to. I am in no way perfect, but I had to be my own adult from that point on. So, I started senior year with certain goals and aspirations, and I saw each one of them through. I felt whole again, bought a car, started feeling alive again, held onto my dreams and pushed myself. I was gutted by everything and everyone I lost, but it formed me into the strong lady I am today. It was those very losses that made me get my stuff together, constantly pushing myself back then killed me mentally. The physical loss of someone made me gain so much mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Every day I miss my mother, but I know that she would want me to speak about what I have become rather than what I have been through. I encourage you to do the same.
Thank you for reading!!
Thanks for sharing your story about such a difficult time in your life, Jaylana. For anyone dealing with grief, the counseling center is available to all students at UMass-Dartmouth: https://www.umassd.edu/counseling/
I first want to say Im so sorry for your loss. I myself could resonate with part of your story. Knowing how hard it is to find motivation after such a loss, Im so happy you found yours and kept going strong!
I am SO sorry for your loss, I am so glad you could share your story, it will greatly inspire many people who will and already have read it! I am so glad you were able to push through and become stronger!
Jaylana
I also have lost my mom and it has been the most gut wrenching experience I think I will ever have. I wrote my mom’s eulogy so I understand when you say you didn’t exactly want to do it. Thank you for sharing your story. If you ever need someone to talk to I down to listen !
To grieve a person who is still living is something I do not wish anyone to feel. You think that just because that person is alive, you cannot grieve the loss of their presence, their love, and who they used to be, but you are wrong. A few months ago, I was in a serious car accident that changed the trajectory of a friendship I cherished deeply, and will forever miss. I used to think that trauma brought people closer, and that a shared experience could strengthen a relationship. But when my best friend of five years decided to ignore me for months after the accident I hadn’t even caused, I realized that that was not the case. It’s hard to be upset, really, because people process trauma in so many different ways. Whether healthy or unhealthy, you cannot control the way people understand things. That being said, only being talked to when you’re needed for something, or to discuss the lawsuit their mother was filing against your family really doesn’t do much to deter the thoughts that that friend is gone. I tried to ignore the signs: the attitude changes and the way she would spend time with every other friend that wasn’t me. But in reality, numbing that pain just made things worse for when I eventually needed to face it. I hate that I have to pretend like nothing has changed, and that I haven’t noticed we haven’t talked in months. I still can’t make sense of the fact that we won’t watch movies in her basement tomorrow or facetime because I miss her laugh. Despite the anger, the pain, and the immense sadness a person should never have to cause you, I hope she is happy. I hate that I still care for her, that even after all the emotions I’ve suffered through, I still want to be able to remember every memory I have with her. Grief is funny like that, having you long for something that was been taken. Your pain is valid, and so are any other emotions you may feel during hard times like this. Even if you don’t think so, grief is an extension of love, and it shows just how much you care.
Grief and loss impacts every individual differently depending on how one grieves with their loss, and also makes you realize how precious time spent with family really is. In April of 2024, I lost my great grandmother. My great grandmother was a strong, inspiring woman, who was always there for her grandchildren no matter the circumstances. She would take us swimming, teach us how to cook our favorite meals, go apple picking, and just spend genuine time together sitting in her living room talking for hours. Although my family and I didn’t get to see her as often as we wished, we still cherished every single moment we spent together.
Remembering the day I heard that she had passed away, my heart was broken. I was sitting in my bedroom watching TV when all of the sudden my grandpa shouts at me to go downstairs. The first thing I saw was my grandparents sitting at the dining table, and they asked me to sit down. When they told me Great Grandma had passed away, I remember feeling completely frozen. At first, it didn’t hit me but as I fully comprehended that she was gone as more days passed by, I felt sad and angry. I had just gotten my license and I was planning to go see her days prior to her passing to check on her, and make sure she was okay, as I was told that she was already previously battling cancer. Although being under the impression she was doing better, I felt so much guilt and anger because I didn’t drive up to go see her one last time due to my school schedule, and my grandparents not wanting me to see her in that state.
The day of the funeral, as much as I tried, I could not stop crying. My tears were completely out of control, and no matter how hard I tried to hold it in, I just couldn’t. The ceremony was so beautiful, and I was glad I went to go say a final goodbye to great grandma. I got to celebrate her life, with everyone she loved, and talk to god about how thankful I was to have her while I did.
Grief and loss is something tragic that can impact individuals in many different ways. I’ve learned that everybody deals with grief differently, and that grief is a natural reaction to loss but overtime you learn to accept it. From experience, it doesn’t get better overtime, but you learn to overcome it and let them rest and continue to remember them for the rest of your life.
Sometimes it’s as simple as a light switch, on and off.
7:04 AM, a crisp November morning. I opened my eyes to see my mom sitting at the end of my bed. She already had my coat in her hands when she said that my aunt wanted to have breakfast with me. She put the pink fabric over my head, picked me up, and carried me out of my room. I could feel her heart beating. We were outside in the driveway when I gained sight again, I was still in my fleece princess pajamas as I got into my aunts’ car. Empty police cruisers lined the
sidewalks of my once-quiet neighborhood. My mom stood still, watching us leave.
Sometimes, the shocks of adhesive defibrillator pads on your dad’s chest in your basement will never be enough to make a heartbeat again. That failure changes the hearts of others.
A common misconception is that grief gets smaller as time progresses, but the reality is that over time, grief stays the same, life just gets bigger around it. One in every twelve children in the United States will experience a loss before they turn eighteen, about 112 kids lose a parent every day. I fall into that 8 percent; I am one of the 6 million American children in this category.
I wasn’t told until days after. My mom told me that my dad was called to heaven to build houses, as he owned a construction company named after my mother and me. It wasn’t until years later that she told me it was like a light switch, and that my dad’s heart switched off. All of this was followed by being placed in therapy five months later, shortly after turning seven. When I was old enough to comprehend what happened, I began to look at life differently.
Billie Eilish famously sings the line What was I made for? I ask myself that every day as I try to find what I’m made for. I’ve been told that I love others more than I love myself. Losing my father so unexpectedly taught me that life is immensely precious, and too often taken for granted.
My father held my hand for the first six years of my life, teaching me that you do anything for the people you love no matter how big or small the action is. He taught me so much while being so far from reach.
Every morning I look at the small picture of him and me on my wall. Every day I strive to create a new reason for him to be proud of me. Because of him, I’ve learned to hold onto the ones I love, take care of them when they are in need, be the person my friends can lean on as a pillar of strength and security, be the light in the darkness, and be another reason why their hearts continue to beat.
I finally know what I was made for.
The feeling of grief and loss is a very hard feeling that people have to go through. I believe this world is full of people who can make change. If anyone puts their mind to changing their actions for the better, they will realize that whatever they do reflects on our society. For example, in 2019, I experienced a traumatic loss with my grandmother to drugs. She was the light of my life, and she helped raise me since my mother was so young. That day I found her deceased, I tried using her phone to dial 911. But, what I found instead was a text from the person she got from, asking her how it felt. As a twelve-year-old, you would never think you would have to experience this. At the time, I didn’t know how unsympathetic people could be and even how unsafe the world was. This definitely made me have a different perspective of the world. For months, I was in denial that she was gone, and I blamed that person. But, I then realized that the world is what people make it out to be based on their actions. Just think about it, she was clean for about eleven years, and she was peer pressured into using again. Many people don’t think their actions or words have a play with how our society is. But the real question is if you do. Our society is what we make it to be. I believe that if people think about the harm they could be doing before they say or do it, this world wouldn’t be envisioned as unsafe or scary. If people thought about how their actions could change someone or something before they chose to do said thing, do you think our world would be a better place?
Grief and loss can be a very slow and confusing process for some people.
On March 28th of this year I would see my Grandmother for the last time in a living state. Roughly the day before that she went to the hospital because she was complaining of head pain. Come to find out she was having a stroke that quickly turned into a hemorrhage.
I remember waking up around 7 AM to the sound of my Mother crying on the phone with my Grandfather because he informed her that my Grandmother didn’t have much time left with us in this life. I got up took my medication and my Mother told me we had to get to the hospital. So, we left and got to see her one last time and say our goodbyes.
My Mother had to stay at the hospital because she had an operation the same day. I ended up driving myself home around 5-6 PM listening to “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd just wishing that it was all a dream. I left without crying but instead just feeling numb or in a state of shock, like not realizing that, that whole day happened.
I know that people tend to think that the feeling of grief and loss happens instantly but that’s not true for me I still haven’t really gotten to the point of really thinking about that day until now. I know my Sister is the same way she typically has to have a significant thing that she had tied to the person to happen to really feel that loss. What I’m trying to say with my opening statement is if you ever feel like it’s taking to long for grief or loss to hit you, that is okay. There’s nothing wrong with not feeling anything. Everyone’s grief is different that includes time it takes to grief.
The last thing I would want people to think about is don’t always make assumptions and maybe think about others and if you can think of anyone maybe check in on them. Grief, loss and sometimes just everyday life can be challenging.
I recently had a family member of mine pass away. He was my great uncle Ron and we weren’t especially close as I only got to see him on holidays for the most part. In addition to that I hadn’t seen him in a couple of years due to him growing distant. Regardless it was still a shock to me and the family to find out that not only did he die but he had taken his own life. We had a service for Uncle Ronny and when we got there my relatives were all laughing and talking amongst themselves. I met many family members that I had either never seen or only ever known when I was a baby. One of these people was his adopted son Hakeem, who I talked a lot with. It was only once everybody got there and the service began did the mood become more somber and everyone stopped talking. My grandfather (his brother) said a few words and so did my Uncle Ronny’s nieces and nephews. Everyone was quiet and a couple people teared up, but once the service was over we all left to go to a lunch and everyone regained their talkative attitude and once again. I initially found it strange that everyone had gone from sad to animated in such a short amount of time. It was then I realized something about grief. We shouldn’t allow grief to take over our lives and drive us from happiness. Instead we should focus on the positives, like getting to see our family members who have grown distant or were never really there at all and getting to have lunch with them. I’ll always value the conversations I had that day with my family.
My family and I recently suffered the loss of my grandmother earlier this year, about a month before I graduated from high school. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was say goodbye to her. I feel selfish for wishing she stayed to see me walk across the stage but it is naive to think that way. She has suffered for so long and she is finally happy at peace and no longer in pain. She has always been one of my biggest inspirations and one of the only people who believed in me as hard as she did. When Covid started she started to become very sick she was in and out of the hospital for about a year and we never knew why until one day mid October when I was picked up from track practice in my mom’s familiar car with the same smell it always had. I saw the tear stained face of my little sister, I knew something was wrong because Lilly never cries unless she is sick. Both of them remained silent until my mother put that familiar hand on my knee and my eyes started to well. “What is it”. I muttered. “Your grandmother is in rehab”. I began to shake my head while tears started streaming down. How could I be so selfish to not realize. All the puzzle pieces slowly started to fit on the silent car ride home. Her thumb still rubbing my knee
As they would fit in one by one the reliziation started to settle as we pulled up to my house. The world hasn’t stopped. The woman down the street still walked past with her dog. The American flag on my porch still swayed the same. The clouds still rolled through the sky and the sun still shined. How could the world possibly still be spinning as my favorite person was fading away.
From that day forward my eyes were open to the reality of the world more than ever before. I started to believe that bad things happen and the world still goes. I believed that you never know the struggles someone could be facing behind closed doors and to always go into the world head strong and kind to everyone you see.
I know it’s not uncommon or out of the ordinary, but for the longest time I had a crippling fear of death. But for me, it got to the point where it would send me into intense panic attacks for prolonged periods of time. Now, I wasn’t afraid that everything around me was going to lead to my death like Final Destination, that would be ridiculous, but it was the idea of death itself. The idea that one day, everything will stop, everything will be over, but only for me. The idea that my experiences would simply vanish and everything would continue on as if it didn’t matter. This feeling persisted until about 2 years ago when my great grandmother had passed. The last time I went to visit her, she was visibly very ill, we could tell she didn’t have long, but she did her absolute best to convince you otherwise. She would laugh and smile with you, tell you about last night’s Red Sox games and how much she hated the Yankees; this persisted right up until she left us. This demonstration humbled my perspective on my fear and really opened my eyes on how to prevent my nightmare from becoming a reality. I don’t know if she ever came to terms with mortality, but I don’t think it mattered to her. She surrounded herself people she loved and loved her back ten fold. This became apparent when the time of her funeral came and the venue ran out of chairs to accommodate those who attended. Seeing this sort of flipped a switch in my brain; like a blind fold had been covering my eyes and had been lifted and I could finally see. It doesn’t matter how much you do in your life or if you’re the best at what you do, as long as you leave a positive impact on those meet, you have lived a fulfilling life. No matter how old you grow, connection will be far more valuable than any fame or fortune you can obtain.
Hii,
I totally agree that living your life with a fear of how it ends will just get in your way. I am really sorry about your great-grandmother, but its beautiful to hear how her energy passed on to you. I think living life and loving it is so important because if you don’t use the love you have are you really living? Love is so important when it comes to living your life to the fullest 🙂
– Mira
I love that you described your fear of death as a blindfold. The comparison truly relays that the anxiety that you have surrounding your mortality prevented you from reaching your true potential. I am so sorry to hear about your great grandmother but glad to hear she lived a long life full of happiness and love. Also, as much as we all hate losing our loved ones, I believe that you witnessing the displays of love that so many people showed for your great grandmother allowed your life to open up. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
The loss of a stranger
I do not know why I cried so much that day, I barely knew this person, but somehow his loss made me so incredibly sad. For context earlier this year my uncle passed away. He was my father’s brother and still lived in Brazil like the rest of my father’s family. My father who was dating my mother at the time decided to follow her into America and leave his family behind, and he had both me and my brother here to be his new family.
I barely knew my family in Brazil, as when I went there, I was too young to remember anything, so to me they were all strangers or people I would occasionally hear over a phone call and be told to say hi to. Of course, I still cared for them, since just knowing they were my family gave me a thought of connection with them, but I could never see them the same way I saw my family here in America. I was always close to my family here in America, always seeing them, and interacting with them daily. It was these people that I genuinely thought were my main family and not the ones in Brazil, but on that day, my opinion changed.
I remember the day of my uncle’s passing like it was not too long ago, but it already has been a couple of months since his passing. I remember coming home from hanging out at a friend’s house to my parents sitting on the couch with a serious look on both of their faces. The thing I remember most was the look on my father’s face as he said, “We have to tell you something,” while I saw he could barely make that sentence without letting out a tear. He told me his brother had passed away, and not even saying my uncle. When I heard this, I burst into tears in his arms. I cried there for a minute and did not want to go to work for the next few days. I and my family tried to not make it a big deal for the rest of the family, but for some reason no matter how hard I tried to hide it I cried at the thought of it, and it confused everyone, but it was so hard for me to explain this feeling, as I had never experienced loss in my family at his point. I did not know it came with such pain, especially with someone I barely knew. I guess I truly did see my uncle as family even though I never truly knew him and who he was. I suppose you do not need to have a personal connection to a person to truly feel as though they are a part of your family. This entire scenario makes me question what truly is a family and what brings them together?
Jett C
When I was in second grade in 2013, my older sister moved out to live with her dad. I was really struggling at that time with my mental health and schoolwork. We then got a dog named Ritz, and to say she was my hero would be an understatement. I wasn’t lonely anymore, and I had something to look forward to after school that kept me motivated. Ritz was like another sister to me. As she got older, she had a lot of health issues. In June of 2023, we had to put her down. It was absolutely devastating to lose the dog that I had depended on for 10 years of my life, and the thought of going into my senior year of high school without her was terrifying. I couldn’t see a dog without getting emotional, and I didn’t understand how everyone else in my family was handling it so well. I only ever saw my mom cry, and even then it wasn’t very often. My dad managed to smile and make jokes on the way home from the vet and take us to get ice cream. I admired him for this, but didn’t understand how he could possibly handle Ritz’s death so well. He cared about her so much. It wasn’t until my mom spoke to me recently that I realized he was just as affected as I was. My parents went out together, and my dad was wearing a pair of pants that he hadn’t worn in a while. He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the baggies he had prepared from when he used to take Ritz out. According to my mom, he slowly looked back up at her and was on the verge of tears. The thought of my dad crying is enough to make me emotional. It’s hard for me to even imagine. It really goes to prove that everyone handles and copes with grief differently.
This past May it was supposed to be a regular day for me but when I woke up it started weird. I was getting ready for school and my mom had noticed that my dog Emily who is a 18 year old chihuahua. Did not want to eat this morning or drink water that was not normal of her at all but it has happened in the past she won’t eat in the morning but she’ll be fine later in the day I assumed. I went to school like ever other day and I got home and Emily was laying down like she normally is but she didn’t lift her head that was off to me because it was almost like she didn’t have the strength to. I began to sit down with her and try and feed her food but she just wouldn’t eat I began to get even more worried. My mom got home I told her that we should bring her to the vet and she agreed but she wanted to wait until the next day to see if she’ll get better. I agreed so for the rest of the night we hoped she would get better and start to eat but that did not happen so the next day later in the evening we brought Emily to the vet. I had some optimize that we would receive good news. But that was not the case we got the news that the best option for Emily was to not let her suffer anymore then she has already. It was the most difficult thing I had ever had to do in my life was to see her leave when she was gone.
I’ve always believed the friends you make in your life, stay your friends for a long time. I think we’ve all felt like this at one point in our lives. We think of how we can’t wait to grow up with those friends and spend time together when we’re older and be there for each other. However, eventually, you start to realize it’s time to move on from them. No one has an easy time making friends, it’s always a battle, so, when you find that one friend, who’s always there, listens, and cares for you, you do everything to not let that friendship fail. At first, everything is great, you have an amazing friendship. As years go by, you begin to put all of the work into the friendship, and they give nothing. You ask them to hang out all the time, they’re always busy. They never seem to make time for you when you’re always making time for them. Over time we come to realize that maybe, those friends should only serve as a memory of a joyous time in your life. But you can’t let go. We put so much work and love into these friendships because we’re scared to lose those people who we believe care for us. We’re told by our parents, “You’ve been friends for so long, what could be different?” Everything is different. They’re not there for you. They ignore you. You grieve the loss of the person they were when you were close. We’re all scared to say that there are expiration dates on the friends you make.
Alyssa R – Childhood pet
One of the saddest truths about this life time is that a dogs life is a lot shorter than a humans life. I had to say goodbye to my Shih Tzu, who unfortunately passed away June 25th 2021. A few days prior, I could see that she just wasn’t doing well. Wouldn’t eat wouldn’t drink wouldn’t play with her. She used to. I brought all this up to my mom because this did not seem normal. I wrapped her up in her favorite blanket and we brought her to the vet to see what was going on and make sure she was gonna be okay.
The veterinarian tells us that she has to stay overnight so they could figure out what was going on. We go back the next day. She looked like she was fine. She had a cone on her neck because they had to shave part of her leg and the cone was just a precaution to make sure she wouldn’t go scratching it or biting it. we bring her home. She seems like she’s doing well. She’s eating she’s drinking. She’s playing until come a few days later my mom was getting ready for work upstairs and I was downstairs with my younger brother.
When all of a sudden, I just heard one loud yelp coming from the little corner, she would always lay in my older brother came rushing down, and he told me to grab my younger brother and bring him to the other room because there she was lying there basically lifeless in what I assumed was a pull of her own blood. I go running to my mom telling her what was going on. They bring her back to the vet in such a panic and I was just with my younger brother crying and not knowing what to do.
I tried calling my mom thousands of times and one answered sitting on the couch. It felt like decades had gone by until I saw my mom‘s car pull in. I could see as she was getting out that she had been crying, she didn’t come back with my dog she came inside and there was nothing that could be done to save her because she had blood out too much and there was nothing they could do but put her down. so this day, I can still hear those four words my mom sent to me in a shaky voice “she didn’t make it”
It has been four years since I lost her I had her ever since I was born she always knew what to do and how to act to make me feel better whether it was going for a walk or splashing around in her water bowl. anyone who has lost a pet now’s how hard it is to let them go after years and years of having them by your side, but all I know is that she’s looking down at me from heaven Just telling me to never give up to always try my hardest even if times get hard to never stop trying.
In November of 2019 I lost one of the most important people in my life and it completely destroyed me. A few weeks prior to my grandma passing I went and visited her at her house and she seemed a bit off but I didn’t really think anything of it. We went about our day shopping ect and i left her house like i normally would. A couple weeks go by and my mom called me downstairs to tell me my grandma is in the hospital because she felt sick and just wanted to make sure everything was ok. They took a bunch of tests and found out she had cancer in her stomach. She was completely devastated and I was too but we were both trying to be strong and fight through it together. Another week goes by and she’s doing treatment to hopefully make the cancer go away then all of a sudden she had trouble breathing and then she was flatlining. I was hysterically crying begging for her to be ok and then the doctor called time of death. My world ended that day and I don’t think I have been the same since. She was my world. We did absolutely everything together. I spent more time with her than anyone else in my family. I stayed at her house for weeks because the thought of her being gone didn’t sit right with me. It’s been 5 years since she passed and I miss her more and more everyday. This was the worst part of my life and I was 13 when it all happened. Go spend time with your family, you never know what they won’t be here anymore.
The saddest reality that one can face throughout their upbringing is the reality that death is permanent. I believe this to be true due to the personal struggles I have had to face with loss and the grieving process following these losses. To cut a long depressing story short, my parents split around age 11 causing me to live solely with my mom and my sister, and barely seeing my dad as I got older. My dad’s reaction to the entire situation was to end up getting himself into legal trouble; which I will not go into because of the severity of it, but it helps paint a picture of his mental state at the time.
After some time went by, my mom began to see new people. She eventually married a man, who I would come to know as my step father Mike. It was clear even to the eyes of my 13 year old self that things would never be the same in the household due to the absence of my biological dad under the same roof as I; and for the longest time everybody had a sort of metaphorical rain cloud showering over their heads. Thankfully, as Mike came into our household everybody’s overall mood seemed to change for the better. This was until a specific night during the winter of 2021, where I woke up to red blaring lights pouring through my bedroom window at around 5 in the morning. It was a hospital truck and they were here for my step father. He had passed from a heart attack on the couch in the middle of the night seemingly at random.
This event brought everyone in the house feeling a sense of despair for the next year or so until we eventually went through the process of grieving and accepted that he was truly gone. As this event occurred, I began to see my biological father less and less because of the emotions I was feeling. Over a 2 year period, it seemed that everything between me and him was getting worse and worse, where our only times together would be during holidays or birthdays. It eventually got the point where I feared even speaking to him over the phone, and I eventually stopped calling him entirely out of fear. I regret this more than anything.
Sometime last year in March during school, my teacher received a phone call stating I was being dismissed. I had no clue why and was skeptical about it, but still had to head down to the office to see what it was about. My mom had dismissed me, and told me she’d tell me why in the car. As soon as we both got in the car she told me that my dad had passed away from an overdose sometime earlier in the day.
To this day I am still struggling to come to terms with the loss, and can’t help but blame myself for his passing. If I was just there to talk to him instead of fearing his presence then maybe he’d still be alive. I’ll never know that for certain, but if there’s anything that I can takeaway from everything that’s happened and how it has effected my family and I, is that loss is the hardest reality to come to terms with.
Losing someone isn’t only sad when they are blood related. On Monday July 1, 2024 at around 6:00 PM my life took a turn. Earlier that day I had went with my brother and my mom to the mall to go shopping and to waste time. When I got home I was rushing to get ready since I had a spring track banquet with my team, including food, games, awards, and each other. I texted some of my teamates to figure out if we were dressing fancy or casual and they said they were dressing casual so I did too. I called for my mom twice and had no reply and even asked my brother if he knew where she was but he didn’t know either. At this point I was already running super late per usual and still had a 23 minute drive ahead of me to get to the location of the banquet. I grabbed the blue gatorade out of the fridge that I was assigned to bring that to the banquet and then I headed out the door. I walked out of my front door with a string bag on my back, keys in my hand, phone in my pocket, and the blue gatorade in the other hand, and headed to the driveway. When I was about to open my car door I looked to my right and finally found my mom. I took a double take and realized she was on the phone with someone, her eyes were watery and her voice was lower. I asked who it was and she said it was Vovo which is my grandma. I asked her what was wrong twice and she kept telling me she would tell me when I got home from the banquet and to go have fun with my team. That wasn’t the answer I was looking for, so I stood my ground and told her I wasn’t leaving the house till I knew what was wrong. She then started with saying “i’m sorry”, and at that point my heart already sunk and I didn’t know what she was gonna say next. She said, “i’m sorry but your nana has passed away in her sleep”. My mouth remained open, the tears fled down my face and neck and my fingers lost grip and dropped the gatorade package on the driveway. I was shook. She comforted me and asked if I still wanted to go to the banquet and of course I was still gonna go because i’m a captain and it would be the last time I saw my team. After a few minutes of crying, I got into my car with my GPS and the tears just kept falling down my face making my vision fuzzy and blurry. I drove safely and arrived at the banquet. When I got there my best friend who is also my teamate said sorry for your loss to me and comforted me. That was the first time I had ever cried that hard in front of someone. The grief hit me for the entire week. I had to work through the pain. I was just so confused on why she had died when I saw her a month prior when she flew down for my high school graduation and she had no health issues. I kept replaying her voice in my head all week and kept rereading her text messages to me, but it just kept making me sadder. She was an amazing nurse and I aspire to be like her since I want to be a nurse too and follow in her footsteps. I now look for her in sunsets and take pictures of them everytime. Even though she wasn’t blood related she was still a nana to me and was always there for me since I was born. At Umass Dartmouth I believe I will find people with stories similar to mine and we can help each other cope and know that everything is going to be okay. Life really does take crazy turns and you never know whats gonna happen next.
Jaela A -loss of a grandmother
Grief +loss are both strong words to describe something unimaginable and unexpected. Although it is sometimes expected the feeling,pain and heartbreak will never be something someone will be ready for. Growing up in Nigeria I saw grief and loss more than expected from the constant funerals to witnessing pain shown from family ,friends and loved ones. Even though I supported everyone I never really understood that pain people might felt.
Coming back home to America I felt life would be different in a way of protecting me from grief and loss but In 2019 I was sadly mistaken when I had those feeling of pain and heartbreak that one couldn’t explain. Losing my Nana is a feeling I cannot describe. No amount of words can describe how I feel about losing the most caring and loving mother, loving grandmother and amazing wife. We were so grateful to have her in our life and for her to be gone is something that I would have never imagined. That moment made me empathize with how the family and friends in Nigeria felt.
Grief and loss are things that no one wants to talk about but it a hidden feelings that break down our mental health. Grief and loss can be in many things, you can grieve and lose a loved one, a friend, a relationship, a job, a past life or the version of yourself you once were.
For the first 16 years of my life my dad was the most important person. I felt like we had an unbreakable bond because of how similar we were. He and I had the same sense of humor, liked the same activities, and had pretty similar personalities. I’ve become the person I am today mostly because of him. My dad is also how I got into watching sports like football and basketball. Together, we watched the Patriots win super bowls and watched the Celtics lose in the 2022 finals. All of that changed in September of 2022 when he made a stupid mistake. I believe mistakes can be forgiven, and everyone in my family was willing to forgive him, but instead of trying to earn our trust back and righting his wrongs he stayed away and that was the last time I saw and spoke to him. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen him and everyone has moved on, but sometimes I wish that he was still around so he could have seen me graduate from High School or could have seen me get into the nursing program. Losing him is the worst thing that has ever happened because even though he is still alive and, in my city, I have no idea where he is or what he’s been doing over the past two years. He went from being the most important person in my life and someone I knew a lot about to someone who I don’t think of most days and now know nothing about.
Grief and Loss is a very hard time for everyone. You’re overflowing with so many different emotions. You wonder what it would be like had things turned out differently. You wonder if there was anything else you could have done or said. It is an extremely difficult and confusing time, and it is something that never goes away. In April of 2013 my family and I had to experience one of these times. My Aunt passed away after battling lung cancer. We had so many plans for things we were going to do when I got older, and I’ve heard stories about all of the things we did together while she was here.
Although I say I’m not sure where my passion to go into Nursing came from, I truly believe deep down it is for her. I will never forget all of the hospital visits where the Doctors and Nurses were doing their very best to care for her. You could tell this was where their heart was and what they loved to do. I want to be that person to someone and their family. Whether I realize it or not, she left such a significant impact on who I am, and who I continue to become. I believe she is where my burning passion to become a Nurse and help others sprouted from. Although she is not here, she will continue to be my motivation to push when I feel like I’m stuck.
I have always had pretty weird opinions about death. It is a weird concept, people believe it’s scary, people think it’s peaceful, the worlds views on death varies widely and connects to the deep roots of every living being. It’s part of nature.
When I was young and my grandmother died, I quite frankly didn’t care. I had met her once or twice, she was my dad’s estranged mother. I was also still very young around 7-8. I remembered her but only flashes of memories. My dad didn’t seem very sad, he didn’t cry and he never talked about it. At around 13 my great-grandmother who my whole family was close with died. This was different it felt like a hole was dug in my family. My mom cried all of the time, everyone cried, I cried but I didn’t know why I was crying. It honestly just felt like I was crying cause everyone else was. For some reason death to me wasn’t sad it was a fleeting feeling of empty. To me it didn’t mean the end of the person, it meant they just weren’t here. It was confusing I wasn’t sad she died I was more upset that everyone else was hurting and she just was gone. I started to realize we don’t cry over death we cry over the absence of life or of being. One of the deaths that hit me the hardest which seems silly to say was my dogs, I relate dogs to people. All of the dogs I have ever owned have been my best friends and I treat them as such. When my great dane died everyone cried, my whole family even my dad. The reason was that he was suffering and we knew we had to make the choice to put him down, I cried because I didn’t want him to be gone, I didn’t want my bestfriend to be absent from my life.
The point of these small snippets into the death in my life lead me to this point. Death brings more than sadness. To me death brings empty, it brings loneliness, it is loss, it is empathy, it’s peace, it’s the beginning of new. Death brings more into life bad or good. This changed my view on cherishing every moment, every word my grandfather speaks to me, living in every hug from my mom, and doing everything I aspire to do before I am the empty in my own life.
Loss Is a really hard thing to go through.I have so many memories of my hero.He has always been a great role model for me. His name was Tadesse bengde.My grandpa was a wise man that gave advice,the best storyteller in the universe, the best person to cheer you up when you’re down and the funniest man alive. He brought everyone together. He was the glue around the family, the smile was contagious, he lit up everyone in the room. My grandpa was the biggest blessing in my life. He had a lot of wisdom and knowledge. He always adored me, he always there to support me no matter what. The bond between my grandpa and I was unbreakable.he was like a second father to misbehave always looked up to him. He is always there for me to pick me up and cheer me on and always teach me good values.he had high expectations for me to rise up to challenges.my grandpa used to say yetemare wediko iyiwedkimi which translates to a person a who gets educated will never fail in life. This quote states with throughout my time in america when things get tough and difficult i always remember this words and it always help me through my tough time i always want make him proud i wish he would see how far i have came im doing this for him my grandpa Tadesse bengde i always love you Rest in peace.
At the time of writing this blog post, I had recently attended the funeral of a loved one who has passed away. Even though I was not very closely associated with this person and their life you could see the impact of losing someone close to you on the people around me. The eulogy speech from the family member spoke of the many times that impacted them and their family. It had truly hit the hearts and minds of the family members and it got me thinking about the human reaction to grief and loss that causes an effect on us all. How some of us are unable to accept the fact that the person has passed on, or how others have accepted that death is a part of life that we cannot escape from. In more recent times I’ve seen a decline in one’s own ability to cope with feelings of grief. Instead of expressing these feelings in a healthy way they choose to take methods in which only momentarily they can make the pain go away with drinking and drugs. In recent years this problem is only increasing with people my age. It is an epidemic that is not being properly addressed in our local communities to young people that are clearly showing signs of the inability to cope with the pain. As someone who has always struggled with comprehending their own thoughts and feelings, in my personal opinion more measures need to be put in place for people like me. So people like me can know that we don’t have to deal with these emotions that eat at us on a daily basis.
Grief and loss are things that are extremely hard to deal with and understand for a lot of people. Some people tend to act like everything is fine and nothing barely happened, while others tend to be very emotional and distressed. Then you have others who could take out their grief and loss on others because they’ve let it build up for so long. For me personally I pretend everything is fine but with the people I hold close to me know it’s not fine and what’s really going on. Within the past two years I’ve lost multiple friends and family members.
One thing I’ve noticed while going through losing my old best friends because of some childish drama is sometimes you got to let go and stop holding on to a relationship that’s far too broken to fix. Even though it hurt and I spent nights feeling like I had no friends and I was lonely I realized I was happier. So sometimes losing people is not a bad thing because it could make you open up your eyes and realize how you truly deserve to be treated.
Also when I’ve lost family members i do mean mostly my pets because after spending years together the longest being eighteen years they become family and a part of your heart. In the past two years I believe I’ve lost three animals, two who were eighteen years old and one who was around 10 years old. My cats Precious and Rocky were twins and they died around a year apart and it hurt so bad losing both of them. I was miserable and just overall drained for days after because they were with me ever since I was a baby.
Basically losing people in your life whether it be friends, family, animals, or others can change you but it’s about how you process and deal with it in your life. Also everyone grieves differently just as everyone reacts to a loss differently.
Do you handle grief and loss differently than I said? (If so if you feel comfortable please share in replies I only used my personal situations)
Holding his fragile, broken frame in the palms of my hands as I waited for the vet to arrive put time in a standstill. I couldn’t move a muscle, only look down in despair as he anxiously crawled in-between my fingers. I was only a bystander in front of the unforgiving hands of death as I had to hand him over to the vet, watching him disappear behind the double doors, never seeing him again.. A similar repeat to the year before, cradling his sister in my arms as she passed before she was euthanized. His birthday is tomorrow, gone far too soon. However, I’ve been grieving for nearly eight years. Grieving a lost sense of security, troubled times at home that left me yearning for something safer. And in the middle of the chaos, I found my first pet, a bearded dragon, Moxie. She was a hatchling bought from a pet store, and as we got older, she became like a therapy animal for me. Grounding me when I’d be breaking down in my room, alone. Next came Arnie, sweet, tiny Arnie, his body too weak to keep going, but he remained full of life until the very end. It sounds silly, but those two were my everything. Although they were silent, the house has felt too quiet ever since they left. In my eyes, it doesn’t matter what’s being grieved or how long it was alive, rather, it’s the impact it had on you that counts.
If you had asked me in junior year what it looked like to grieve, I probably would’ve given a cookie cutter answer which would’ve been my attempt at listing the stages of grief. If you were to ask me now, I would tell you that to grieve is to love. This might not exactly be a shocking revelation, but in the context of my senior year, learning this was one of the most important things I gained.
In the fall of 2023, my cousin’s husband was killed. I had lost family members before, but this was new. To see someone ripped from the world so unnaturally at the hands of another person gave this grief a whole new perspective. I didn’t know him that well, but I could not stop thinking about what my cousin had lost. Not only did she lose her husband, but she lost a source of LOVE. An outlet for her to give and take. Someone who was supposed to be a constant in her life was here one moment and gone the next.
A part of the Jewish custom when you lose someone is to sit shiva, which means to talk about and share stories of the deceased with people who knew them. This is the same custom my father observed when my grandfather passed in April of 2024, just a few months later. In Judaism, in the first week of grieving you do not cook, you can’t shave, and you only wear torn clothing. However, the custom of grieving lasts a year but gets less restricting. For a year my dad and cousin are not to celebrate anything, listen to live music and have to be in temple twice a day.
Throughout high school, I didn’t really feel connected to my religion, but it came into play as I watched my father grieve. He too had lost someone super important to him and to watch him sit out of birthday dinners and graduation parties because of his loss made me realize something important. Not a day goes by that my father or my cousin don’t think about the love they have lost. They think about them in the morning, and evening, go to sleep, and repeat this every day. And with every thought, came a memory of love, so every second of their custom to grieve was filled with love.
These experiences with grief taught me how important it is to love when you grieve. Grieving with regret and anger risks taking away from the person’s memory, but to grieve with love is to celebrate their life and what they stood for. And so as I enter my college experience and the adult world I hope to be that source of love for someone when they need it, and I hope I find my source somewhere too.
I was sitting in the car with my mom when we got the call. It was my grandfather calling her to inform her that my grandmother had just passed away. She hung up the phone and cried with me. However shortly after he called back and stated that they managed to resuscitate her. That night she flatlined again and was resuscitated once more.
She was put on hospice. Every moment spent with her was priceless and none refundable. This belief that every moment was valuable really helped me feel like I was making the most of the limited time I had left with her. I’d stop by and visit more often and I would have dinner with them. For a while she seemed to be improving, but that was short lived. After a couple of months her health began to steadily decline. Within the span of two weeks she went from her usual self to a husk of her former state.
I made multiple visits in the span of a few days and on one night it was particularly grim, and I had a feeling that the time had come. So I went to say goodbye to my grandma one last time and gave her a kiss goodnight. That was the last time I saw her awake. I’m thankful that I was able to spend more time with her before she passed and thanks to my belief I was able to squeeze out some more good memories before she was taken to heaven. Our time on this earth is limited, but our time together is fleeting. So what are you gonna do with the time you have left?
Lauren C
When someone you love gets sick, it makes you realize just how precious time is. I had never really experienced much loss in my life before 2022 when my aunt was diagnosed with an aggressive form of terminal lung cancer, and it forced me to change my perspective on certain things in life. I only had about 6 months left with her and had to cherish every extra second she was given to be here. I went on my first cruise, went to my first professional baseball game, and got to see her go from state to state doing everything she could accomplish to check off her bucket list.
When she passed away later that year it still didn’t really hit me that it was real. I thought there wasn’t possibly any way that if I got in a car and drove over to her house she wouldn’t be there. It didn’t always feel the same to talk about either. One day I could talk about her for an hour and feel completely fine, the next I couldn’t even think about her without wanting to cry. As time has gone on, it has gotten easier to deal with, but the pain never really goes away completely. That’s something I’ve come to deal with.
Eighteen days later I was told another one of my aunts had cancer, a different form, one that had a much higher survival rate. It was difficult to change the mindset from one experience similar, but different, from another. Seeing someone else I loved going through the same thing but trying to hold on to hope that it would end differently. Since then my grandma was also just recently diagnosed with cancer. Although I have experienced these feelings before, it’s still never easy to see and deal with the thought of knowing that anyone at any moment could be gone.
Every second that you gets to spend with someone you love is precious, don’t take it for granted.
I’ve always loved watching television, from the drama-filled moments on shows like The Bachelor to documentaries like Deadliest Catch. However, there was one specific time when an event on television changed my outlook on the value of life.
One night I was watching the competition show America’s Got Talent. I loved the variety aspect of this show, from acrobats to comedians, it had a bit of everything. One act reached the stage, a gleeful thirty-year-old woman named Jane, with her singing persona named Nightbird. As the judges interviewed her, Nightbird revealed to the audience that she had been diagnosed with cancer. The audience was shocked, but even more shocked at her amazing ability to sing and write music.
When it came time for Nightbird’s next performance, she did not arrive at the AGT stage. Her cancer had spread too far, leading her to pass away. Like many fans, I was heartbroken. She was so happy and full of life on the stage that it seemed like Nightbird was fine.
A few days later I checked Nightbird’s Instagram and noticed that almost all her posts have her smiling. I realized that when Nightbird’s life ended, it was while she did what she loved. Although she wasn’t able to make it to the finale, she was still able to sing. Nightbird’s passing has changed my view on the value of life. She spent her remaining time on earth doing what she loved with a smile, which I believe is important for all.
Dillan P.
The subject of grief and loss is something that truly changed my entire perspective on life. As a child I had never really considered death to be so impactful or that it would ever really affect me in a meaningful way. I had continued to feel this way until I experienced my first death within my family being my grandfather. He was someone that I held very dearly and close to my heart as he would tell me stories of pirates and other fantasy adventures. I still vividly remember looking at his body during the wake and how uneasy it made me feel. He just looked so fake and unreal that it made my stomach turn and I almost couldn’t go up to it. I do not believe that I ever really processed how I felt about his passing until the funeral a few days later, when it had finally dawned on me that I would never be able to see or speak to him again. That realization crushed me, I felt so lost and numb and completely swallowed by grief. I didn’t want anyone to know how I felt though, I was too afraid to show it so I tried my best to bottle everything up at that moment. That didn’t last too long since once I saw everyone else crying around me I completely broke. Seeing and experiencing just how great of an impact that loss can create is what led to me wanting to be the one to not cry, and be able to stand strong and comfort those being swallowed by grief and sorrow. I don’t want to be consumed like that ever again, all I want to do is be able to become a helping hand to those being claimed by loss.
Brayden A
I choose Grief and Loss to write about although in retrospect I’m not certain this was the best choice after reading some of the comments of my peers. The answer for that is no one really wants to talk about Grief and Loss, do they? These two subjects affect everyone differently and it really is a personal matter. However, as it is something I chose, I will share my limited experience in such matters up to this point
I have been fortunate so far and have not really experienced much loss as of yet in my life . Of course, I dread the day that I will go through the loss of my family members, but I have recently experienced a loss that might debatably fit in this category depending on one’s perspective as a loss of “family” in that we loss our dog. This was my dog from when I was young. He was truly the definition of a man’s best friend and while some people would move on and ” get over it”, get another dog, or not even really consider this a loss of a loved one. I did. I know to some this might seem like a trivial loss, but it wasn’t to me. In the moment and even now, I miss him. I know there will be more loss in my life ahead of me, but I never really think “Greater” is the proper word when it comes to loss. No matter who or what it is as long as it is a loss to you, you will always feel a like a piece of your self is missing and that’s what makes them all a loss.
Since a young age I have been taught how precious life is and how you really must make the most of it, but I felt I didn’t really understand that fact until I experienced a grief of my own. Almost a year ago I lost my childhood dog, a lively chocolate lab named Thunder. Thunder was my first real experience with grief at an older age. My family knew he was sick and that he wasn’t young to be with us much longer so I spent as much time with him as I could in his last days because I felt like I needed to make up for the missed time over the years.
After Thunder’s passing it felt weird, I hadn’t yet processed that he was gone because he had been such a huge part of my life for more than 10 years. The thought that I would never see him again when I walked in the front door or the fact that he wouldn’t be begging me for food when I ate my breakfast before school were just foreign ideas to me until he passed. I look back with regret of how little time I spent with Thunder once I got to high school, or even how annoyed I would get with him sometimes because now I just wish I could see him again. The experience of grief has really engrained in me how little time animals and humans have to live and how precious it really is. In the future I want to appreciate more small moments because I don’t want to look back with regret, and instead I want to feel like I did my best to show them how much I cared for them.
Going into my freshman year of high school, I received horrible news that my grandma had been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, I was devastated, and frustrated, especially being 4,089 miles away, unable to do anything to help. After months of fighting in chemo, she passed away. My world fell apart even though I knew it was coming. I just couldn’t believe it would happen. Grief and loss can be difficult to cope with, and many people tend to lose themselves trying to do it alone.
I was one of them, during my grandma’s battle I kept praying nonstop, clinging to the faith she had given me. However, after she passed, I began to question everything and ended up losing my faith in my religion completely. At the end of sophomore, still struggling with grief, I began seeking help from family members and close friends trying to regain the faith I had lost during a hard time. That’s when I changed my mind, through all the support I realized I wasn’t angry at my faith but at the fact, that my prayers didn’t heal my grandma.
Experiencing grief and loss, I came to believe our generation needs to seek help when needed and not be embarrassed by it. My belief in seeking help is important for me and my wider community it means not facing struggle alone and finding support during tough times. It shows the value of helping one another and build a more compassionate and connected community for everyone
Something that made me question a previously held belief is the loss of my little brother. I used to believe that losing a loved one was not one of the hardest challenges that someone could face, but that belief changed the day that I lost my little brother. When I would see videos on TikTok of the environment people would live in after losing someone I would say “There’s no way that they let their emotions overpower their ability to get any work done”. Now I know that I only thought that because I personally never lost anyone close to me and had no idea the major effects of that. The death of my brother took a toll on me, and never in a hundred years did I think I could face such a painful experience. I was at a point in life where I thought there was only one way out of it, and it got so bad that I stayed home for a whole month and didn’t talk to anyone. This belief should be as important to everyone as it is for me because as a society we should never judge others what they’re going through because if we were in their shoes we probably would have reacted the same or worse. I believe we should never judge anyone for the way that they cope with the problems that they go through because we all grieve differently. Through grief, we let our memories and future goals shine through.
Good afternoon,
I am so very sorry for your loss; nobody deserves to go through what you have. You are very strong. Sending healing prayers and comforting hugs.
Daisy Silva
In middle school, I thought I had found the perfect group of friends, girls who seemed confident and popular. They were everything I wanted to be, and since I was desperate for validation, I did whatever they did, even lying to my parents about my whereabouts. One day, that all caught up with me. My parents called, going crazy because they didn’t know where I was. I ignored them and continued talking to my friends. I didn’t want them to know that I had a bedtime and that my parents cared about me when I came home.I was devastated to learn that one of those friends had snitched on me, not out of concern, but because she was envious. That’s when I realized they weren’t the friends I thought they were. I realized that to fit in with them, I had become a stranger to myself.
When people hear the word “grief,” they often associate it with the loss of a loved one. But for me, I grieved the loss of my old self. It was painful, but I knew she had to go. It was a false identity, and I knew those girls were toxic. I had to reinvent myself all over again. Losing my old self felt like losing a loved one because the old me was everything I knew. I had to let go of my past and recognize that growth requires change. It was a necessary step to move forward.
Now, I see the woman I’ve become, and I’m proud of everything I’ve been through and accomplished. The old me was a necessary chapter in my life, but it’s not my whole story. In the grief and mourning, I discovered something more valuable,the person I am today.
i wanted to pose a different aspect of grief, the greif of losing a relationship with someone closeWhen you think about grief, the first thought your mind runs too is to think of someone that isn’t there but what about Loss of someone who hasn’t left this earth yet? The feeling of hopelessness when someone you can physically touch is no longer yours when I was younger. I had a best friend we were as close as anyone could be, but we had a big fight about some thing that I can’t even remember anymore, but long story short we ended up not speaking ever again, and when I was younger, I didn’t really know how to verbalize these emotions but as I’ve gotten older and I’ve been through romantic relationships and break ups and familial break ups, I’ve been put in situations more than once I’ve someone who hasn’t passed it’s a soul punching emotion that rips you up from the inside out because as much as you want to see this person and hug this person you can’t because in a sense they aren’t yours anymore and you can’t verbalize those emotions into things like anger and resentment the holidays spent together that are now no more the meaningless laughs that now seem like everything you don’t think of those things in the moment until it seems like your favorite person is just out of grasp, but as I’ve gotten older and I would like to assume wiser, I see that it may hurt in the moment things like this happen so that we can grow as people well grief holds many forms. It all teaches us how to hold those happy memories, grief, in all its forms has made me realize how important it is to cherish memories and people while they’re there and that mourning comes in many forms but to celebrate the times you had without taking away from the good with what ifs and what could have been done differently I can only hope that my impact big or small can help enrich peoples lives no matter how long or short our time together may be
Sarah R.
Most of the conversations around grief focus on the loss of loved ones, such as family or close friends. So, I never expected that my first experience with it would come from three people who I never met. This was when, on an 8th-grade class trip to Peru, I witnessed the scaffolding of a building collapse. The street was filled with debris, but to my dismay, it was much more than that. As I looked around, I noticed that there were three construction workers with blood pooling underneath them. Not only were the sights very distressing but the sounds were too. The children were crying and screaming, while the stray dogs were barking. That is something I will never forget. Our tour guide quickly took us away from the scene and brought us into nature. During this time, I buried my head in my hands crying. I thought of the loved ones, and how devastated they would be after hearing the news. Even my dad, who I never saw cry, was crying then. I did not let out a single word because in that moment all I could do was cry. The grief even affected me physically, to the point where I turned pale and felt sick. In the beginning, the grieving process was very difficult. I would burst into tears whenever I spoke about it and even have nightmares about it. It has gotten easier over the years, though. Overall, this experience led me to believe that grief can affect you no matter who that person is. Moreover, I believe everyone deals with grief differently.
Grieving the loss of a person who still lives is one of the most indescribable feelings one can feel. After my ex of 4 years cheated on me, my whole life was turned upside down. I had lost by best friend, my other half, and my soul tie. I had so much hatred towards him for what he did but also so much love for him after 4 years. I spent a lot of time drowning in my thoughts about why he did it, what could I have done to prevent it, what she had that I didn’t, and the fact that I was never going to move on from this. I thought, “how could I ever possibly heal from something like this?” I always thought the main step into moving on was forgiving the person, but I had no interest in forgiving him. It was so frustrating knowing I’d never find the goodness in my heart to forgive him because I’ve always been a very forgiving person. I’ve found that the weight of holding a grudge is much heavier than to let things go, but this was not something I could just let go. When forgiving someone, people often say, “It’s okay, I forgive you.” This wasn’t okay and I didn’t want to give him the impression that I thought it was. I couldn’t find a balance between forgiveness and hatred until later down the line of my healing journey when I felt acceptance. I think people tend to forget the significant difference in the words “forgiveness” and “acceptance”. When the late-night thoughts of trying to figure out why I deserved this, or why it even happened in the first place stopped, that was the day I had accepted the situation and realized there was nothing that I could do about the situation and that what happened, happened. Even though the situation itself didn’t bother me anymore, I still could not forgive him for what he did. To be betrayed by someone you had so much love and trust for, someone you trusted fully with your heart, someone who destroyed your faith in pinky promises, is someone who should never be forgiven for their actions. I still grieve the person he once was and the relationship we had, as well as what we could’ve been, but the harsh reality is forcing yourself to accept what is and what isn’t in order to move on for yourself. There will always be a part of me that loves him no matter what he has done, but my love for him does not amount to the betrayal and disappointment I feel from him. Grieving the loss of a person who still lives is one of the most indescribable feelings one can feel, we no longer share the same life, but we breathe the same air and gaze at the same moon and stars every night, and that’s something I’ve learned to accept.
Owen T
This isn’t about someone I loved passing away but losing someone that I loved and cared about. Relationships are hard and confusing; you start to worry more and more about it hoping you’re doing the right thing but then the day comes when you or the other person think it has run its course and you break up. In a way, this can change you depending on how long the relationship lasted.
Recently my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me, she had a year of high school left and I’m about to start college 2 hours away, we were happy together until the other day she blindsided me and wanted to break up. I wasn’t mad but was sad and felt empty and still do while writing this. It will take a while to lose this feeling, but it will hopefully go away one day. But how does this loss shape my belief? I believed and hoped that we would make it work, be together for a long time, and that our relationship was going perfectly fine. It hurts, and it will for a while, but I believe it will eventually be ok, once I get to college I will move on and find somebody new! For now, I will sit with this empty pit in me but not everything will last forever and sometimes they either sink or float. I sadly sunk and that’s ok! I hope I meet a nice girl and college and start something with them and maybe one day it will all work out!
Grief and sorrow are topics I’ve had to endure these couple of years from 2019-2022. I’ve lost 4 family members during the pandemic and 2 of those family members where really really close to me, those 2 years of quarantine were tuff times for me and my family and cause of those struggles it made me want to persevere and try to give my life more meaning. after my aunt got cancer while my grandma from my dad side had terminal ill cancer, meaning she didn’t have much time with us. on that day. I had never in my life seen or heard my father cry, but just hearing him break down was devastating to me. I just blamed myself like “why couldn’t I get older faster,” or “why cant I find a way to get more income to get my parents papers so they can go visit their family’s before they cant no more” and just these random and deep thoughts rushed through my head. but the sheer fact was that my grandpa said she was holding on for life a little bit longer so she could see me one last time, because during that time I had to fly out for 2 1/2 month during school schedule to help my Godmother get medicine for her cancer and also get treatment for it as well. She told me to visit her one last time, so we went to go visit her, I hugged her and I just couldn’t see her in that state anymore, the once happy grandma I remember was fading in front of my eyes, we had to leave for my godmother’s treatment and it was hard to just leave, knowing what condition my grandma was at. By the time we left she had succumb to her illness and passed away. I couldn’t process anything during the fist 10 minutes of me getting the news I was just star structed. once we flew back I had to re focus to work on my studies but that year for me was just horrible academic wise and mentally. then 2023-2024 my neighbor side of our home….’Context : we have a house cut down the middle, one side is ours the other side is theirs.’…caught on fire and my mom was calling me to tell what had happen. it was 1st period and I had to tell my teacher and my school that there was an immediate emergency going on at my home, and that I need to to go NOW…’I was stuttering while I was saying all of this’.. so I left and once I got there my mom was trying to get important documents and since it was dangerous and I didn’t approve of her going in, I told her I would go in, but forgot to bring a mask with me causing me to have some side effects after the smoke. I had gotten a little bit of carbon monoxide poisonings so I could do physical stuff for a while until my lungs healed fully but luckily no one was hurt. This is just a lil biography of my bad experiences with Grief and Sorrow. I’m doing much better now.
Paige Pereira
Loss and grief it’s the hardest thing anyone person can go through there roads to take to heal some people bottle up the feelings ,some become strong and cry through the pain or they get angry and let out the emotions. Some people don’t know how it will effect your world or your future endeavors. In the year of 2020 of May I had the worst pain I have ever felt I lost my great grandmother the person I called and still call till this day my best friend and my hero she was the most beautiful woman we lost her due to covid 19 in the hospital over the phone . I never experienced pain or lose before I was always hidden from it and saying goodbye for the last time and to think they won’t be there the next day was very hard for me to comprehend. The days leading up to it she started getting sick in her nursing home she was in. she forgot who I was and I had to fight to get the nurses to see she wasn’t in her right mind to make choice for herself and I fought for two days sitting out her window to get them to transfer her to the hospital. To where I begged my great grandmother to agree but to her I was a stranger she finally agreed to be transferred to Charleston Hospital, where she will in the future pass away. after she was transferred, she started to deteriorate slowly her one wish was when she became into the right mind after they gave her. Some medication was that she was never to be put on a ventilator so I promised her that I would always make sure that everybody in my family understood that, the nurses were very sweet at the hospital they sat with her when they knew that we couldn’t be there in person so that she was never alone when it came to her last final day. Everybody in my family gathered around at my grandma’s house. We said goodbye one by one over Phone because due to Covid, we cannot be there in person. I finally realized that I wouldn’t be with her the next day or see her face or hear her voice anymore. as soon as I spoke, the words that I loved her, and I’m gonna miss her and that she will always be with me in my heart struck. My heart started to break down, but it made me realize you can’t take anybody for granted and you have to always live in the moment and be grateful for the people around you still live by that i’m going into the field of nursing because of her.
Isaac T.
Grief is a universal experience that profoundly shapes our lives.When you lose someone you love, it feels as though a part of you has been irrevocably altered.Grief can take various forms, such as sadness, anger, and confusion; it’s not a pleasant feeling to have at all.I experienced grief when I lost my grandfather in Springfield during COVID-19.When he passed, I didn’t know how to feel at first because the last time I saw him was a couple of months before his passing due to COVID-19.I have fond memories of him being in high spirits, laughing, and telling jokes.My grandfather spent the majority of his time in a wheelchair because he had lost his leg in the military, but it never stopped him from exploring life.The last time I saw him, I remember hugging him, and the last thing he told me was, ‘You are the only guy among these girls; you are their protector.’Looking back now, it still hurts to hear that.During my senior year, his passing had a significant impact on me.There were days in school when thoughts of him would overwhelm me, and I would break down.I wasn’t in the best headspace at the time.Deep down, I was really sad, but I always tried to put on a smile and fight through it.One school day after practice, I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and I broke down before track practice.It was bothering me the whole day.It was the first time I talked about it with my former teammate, Tydus.He understood and gave me a hug, which was exactly what I needed.I didn’t practice that day, and I walked all the way home crying because that was the only thing that calmed me down.My mental health was suffering, but when I talked about it with my family, I felt a sense of relief.It was better for me to talk about it.I couldn’t go to my grandfather’s funeral because I had school, which hurt even more.Over time, I chose to accept his passing and try to keep his memory alive.He was like another father figure to me, and losing him felt like a piece of our family was gone, causing sharp pain.Experiencing grief and loss led me to believe that our generation needs to seek help when it’s needed the most, rather than bottling personal emotions in.Helping people get over their grief is important to me and my wider community, indicating that our generation must recognize the value of taking time to heal and support one another.By embracing these lessons, we can build a more compassionate society that prioritizes emotional health and collective healing.
Natalie W.
Loss can be very tragic, especially from a very young age. Growing up both of my parents were burdened with medical issues. My mother had fought cancer six times by the time I was five, thankfully the cancer was very treatable. On the other hand, my father was constantly battling diabetes and issues with his kidneys. He had multiple surgeries to correct damages diabetes had done to his organs. When I was just nine years old my father had passed away due to a brain hemorrhage which caused him to be put in a coma. He was in the hospital for only two days when my family decided it was best to take him off life support. After he passed, I started to become angry. I wanted to know why my father was taken from me at such a young age. I wanted to know why my family would do that, why I didn’t have a say in if he stayed or not. With no answers from anyone, I decided to cut off contact with them. I was hurt, me and him had a lot of experiences to look forward to, like father daughter dances, him seeing me walk across the stage getting my diploma, helping me move into college, graduating college, walking me down the aisle, etc. I remember kicking, screaming, never wanting to go to the father daughter dances because it was never really the same. I didn’t have a dad like most of the girls at the dances did and I resented them for it. As the years went by, I forgot the sound of his voice, wishing I had one more chance to hear it again. It hurt me that I couldn’t remember his voice. I resented myself. I started going to therapy and soon I felt a little better, the anger faded, and the hole started to close a little. I became less angry and more open to doing the things he loved most to carry on his memory. I started fishing again, hunting, and going to car shows. Little by little I started becoming myself again, hanging out with my friends, and being goofy. Now eight years later the hole has been mostly filled. Do I regret how I acted in the beginning no I do not. I was a young girl who was filled with emotions I had no idea what to do with. But now, being older, I see that my actions and the loss I experienced at such a young age made me the type of person I am today. Loss can take a toll on you as a person and change you. But it is how you handle the loss that you can use it as motivation.
I wish I could say grief and loss wasn’t an everyday thing but it is. We have all had some type of grief or loss in our lives. Could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, even a pet that is because that is life. It depends how you handle that grief and loss, are you going to let it put you down for the rest of your life or are you going to work through it. Yeah everyone including me has been down and you can have a cry because if you don’t cry you aren’t even human but it is what you do after don’t let loss put you down for the rest of your life you have to keep moving forward because if you don’t move forward you aren’t taking the path that will help you understand.Their will be many times that you will grieve and times you will lose someone or something that was close to you. You can’t let life put you down because if you let life put you down who knows if you could recover from that. If you lose someone just know there are still others by your side to help you while you grieve but don’t let grief and loss change anything about who you are as a person, don’t let it change your character and most certainly don’t let yourself push the people that you know and love away. Grief and loss is a bad thing but it happens so keep moving forward.
“Time heals” is the phrase that sharpened my pain. It was the end of the year 2022 a week before Christmas when I lost my grandmother due to cancer. She was the one woman who raised me, educated me and above all showed what loving someone really meant. She was my everything. Losing her was like losing half of myself. I had trouble believing the news, as I last saw her healthy in Ethiopia. The next couple of days after her passing, as Ethiopian tradition people came in and out of our house to pay their respects. With each and every hug came the words “time heals”. I understand the pure intentions of trying to comfort one by saying so, but reality is, it doesn’t. For a loss that I physically couldn’t witness comes no closure. It’s been a little over a year and I still find myself staying up thinking about all of the what ifs. Constantly waiting for the time they supposed would heal me. However, I still find myself crying as I see an Elderly woman with her grandchildren doing activities my grandmother and I used to partake in.Feeling guilt of not being there on her last days. Having resentment towards my family back home for not identifying her symptoms sooner. Therefore no time doesn’t heal, it teaches us. It teaches us to cherish life along with the ones you love.Instead of sitting and waiting for time to heal you, take that time to find ways to honor those you have lost.
For as long as I can remember, my Father was the most selfless, passionate and creative person I’ve ever known. As a little kid, I remember looking up to him as for he was a single parent. My mother unfortunately passed away when I was in the 7th grade, it had never affected me much because I only have one memory of her. I’ve always been so extremely proud of him for going to college to pursue the job of an RN. Although he was tired from studying night after night, he still continued to cook for me, take me out of the house and especially made sure I was happy. Some nights, I would even stay at my grandparents house before a big test or times when he needed to stay up twenty-four hours.When he finally graduated from nursing school, I just remember feeling so Incredibly lucky to have this man as my father. I remember my grin taking up my whole face after realizing it finally paid off. Before I knew it, we moved into our first house when I was about 13 years old. He loved that house and the fact that he had been able to do it by himself made him go from a stressed student to a glowing new version of himself. I have thousands of memories surrounding that place I called home. He even wrote a book in his spare time about my brother and I. He spent years on it. The book is about.Science fiction and the bond my brother and I have. Sadly enough, I never would have pictured his Author note to be my first tattoo. As he wrote: “Enjoy, Live and Love.” Now I am here writing this today as it has been 4 months since I’ve gotten to hold his warm hands.He is the reason I am who I am. The reason I’m going to college and pushing myself to be better in life. Although my heart is shattered into a trillion pieces, the determination and strive I have from him is helping put it back together. I’m now going to college to pursue a career in business. I am now following in his footsteps. I am now on my healing journey.
Grieving a loss is a difficult process, and up until high school I never really understood what it was like to lose someone close to me. Emotional things never came to me easily, so I traditionally used humor to ease the painful feelings. I learned that joking around wouldn’t solve all problems when my best friends mother passed away during our freshman year summer. It was tough dealing with that loss, and it left an imprint on how I delt with conflict in the future.
This summer I would not have expected to be put into that same predicament once again. Through seeing another one of my friends dealing with the deep pain of loosing a parent I knew the better way to help them deal with the grieving process. The main perspective that I feel needs to be taken away when you loose someone unexpectedly is that you have to embrace the activities enjoyed by them. Even if you are not close to a person that has passed the grief can effect you no matter what. Looking forward towards the future, and making sure to spend time with those that you love is also needed if the loss is not close towards you. That helps turn a negative situation towards a positive outlook that those that you have lost would have wanted for you. This is what I used to help my other friend grieve through there current losses. Overall I feel that through grieving and losing loved ones the best thing to do is live in their memory, and don’t let your time go to waste sitting around but rather spend it how they loved seeing it.
I once believed that grief was a solitary, linear process, something you move through alone, step by step, until you arrive at acceptance. This belief began to change when I lost my grandfather during junior year of high school. His passing wasn’t just a moment of loss, it became a continuous experience that rippled through my family, each of us affected in different ways at different times. I realized that grief isn’t something you just “get over” but something you carry with you, evolving as you do.
During this time, I noticed how my family and I would fluctuate between sorrow, anger, and even moments of joy as we reminisced about him. This shifting emotional landscape made me question the idea of closure. I came to understand that grief is not about finding an end but about learning to live with the weight of loss, letting it shape you without letting it define you.
As I enter college, this belief becomes more significant. In a new environment, I know I will encounter peers who have experienced their own forms of loss. My understanding of grief allows me to empathize with others, fostering connections based on shared humanity. This belief encourages a culture of openness and support within the college community, where grief isn’t shunned but embraced as a part of life’s complex experiences.
A loss that I suffered was the passing of my great grandmother. We were extremely close from the moment we met. She would babysit me all day long as my mother who was a struggling single mom worked to provide for me and my sister. Me and nana had an amazing bond. She was my absolute best friend, the person I told everything to and spent all my days with. She took care of me until she was too sick to take care of herself and even then, she thought of me first. She had some health issues where she was put into a medically induced coma and the first thing she asked for when waking up was me. During her stays in the hospital I was with her every single day and even then she tried giving me her food and scooting over to make room for me in her small hospital bed. She was the most selfless woman I have ever met in my life. She eventually got well enough to come back home where I helped her with daily tasks and spent quality time with her. A couple of years later, she was diagnosed with COVID. She fought a strong battle but ultimately it took her life. She is the greatest loss I have ever suffered. I miss her with my whole heart and think of her everyday. Everything I do is to make her proud. I currently work as a cna where I form similar bonds with my patients to fill the missing void she left upon her passing.
Dear Kelsey,
Your story about your great grandmother is deeply moving, and it’s clear that the bond you shared was incredibly special. The way you cared for her in her final years and the fact that you were the first person she asked for after waking up from her coma speaks volumes about the depth of your connection.
Losing someone so selfless and loving is a profound loss, and it’s touching to see how you honor her memory every day through your work as a CNA.
Time is a precious thing and I had to learn the hard way why that was. My belief that I chose was time. The event that changed my perspective on time was when my grandfather passed away in Jamaica while I was on the phone with him in America. I was around eight then, and my mom wanted me to come to America from Jamaica to continue my education and be closer to her. My grandfather as a kid was my best friend, he would bring me to school on his bike, and get my lunch. He even worked in the school’s kitchen to be closer to me and watch out for me. Sometimes he would bring me around on his bike and ride together while he ran errands for my grandmother. My mother lived in America, working multiple jobs and trying to make enough money for me and my siblings so she could one day bring me up there with her. Well, that day came and I traveled by myself up to see my mother. A few months into my stay there my mom got a call saying my grandfather had lung cancer. And because my grandfather smoked and never really went to the doctors seriously they caught the cancer at too late of a stage. When I found out I was around the age of eight, I was young and never really truly understood what was happening but I sensed that something was wrong when I watched how my mom responded during the call. She handed the phone to me and I tried saying hello and asking him how he was doing but he was too weak to speak. My heart broke even more when my sister on the other line told me that he was opening his mouth and trying to respond to me but nothing was coming out. I handed the phone back to my mom and within minutes my mom’s eyes started pouring. I tried asking her what was going on and what was happening and all she could tell me was, “They said he is traveling!” Traveling in Jamaica means passing away or dying. When I heard that I immediately broke down, I sat on the flower crying hysterically. My shirt was soaked and my eyes were bloodshot red from all the crying I did. A part of me blamed myself a little for his passing because everyone around me would say maybe if he saw me one last time he would have lived a little longer. At that very moment, I started to regret coming up to see my mom. I regret not visiting more frequently because, in the back of my mind, I believed that he would never die or pass away.
Others should listen to my belief because it’s important to make memories and live your life with your family and friends. After all, you may never know when you will lose them.
Time is a precious thing that waits for no one. How can one make the most of the time they have left?
Grief is the worst feeling anyone could go through. It’s the response to losing someone close to you and it can change you in a way. I didn’t know how it felt until this year losing my grandmother, I wasn’t sure how to handle my emotions. I was angry, sad, and in denial. I was close to my grandmother and I felt like I could go to her for a problem I had and I knew she would do anything for me and I would do the same for her. I questioned why she was taken from this world and why people have to pass away? Why couldn’t she just live forever.
The passing of my grandmother affected me, and my family in different ways. Her passing has also opened my eyes, and I have learned something from it. I learned that you need to love the people around you and don’t take it for granted, because you never know when it will be the last time you ever see them.
Grief is important to me, and to everyone because it’s something that people face and it’s not an easy thing to go through. At one point in someone’s life they will understand the struggle of grief and realize how hard and challenging losing someone you love is. Everyone has different beliefs and opinions on how to handle grief, but I believe no one deserves to go through it. I will never want to experience, or think about grief ever again. Grief is the worst thing I have gone through.
I used to believe that grief was a sad process to go through. However, my perspective has fully changed once I lost my brother to suicide. I used to think that once people fell into the hole of sadness and isolation they could never move on. Some people cannot move on, but others like me can change the perspective on grief.
I lost my brother right before the start of my senior year of high school. It left me lost; I did not know what to do or who to reach out to. I am not used to showing my emotions to people, so I had to constantly keep busy. As I found different tasks to do, I was able to realize that I can help people with their struggles. With that, I reached out to one of the clubs that I was the president of. I wanted to destigmatize mental health in my school community. To do this I created and developed different activities that raised awareness of certain aspects of mental health. As I was completing the activities, I was always thinking of my brother; hoping I was making him proud.
Throughout my senior year, I did struggle with keeping my emotions in check, however I used that as motivation. In the end, I knew that my grieving experience was different than most. I was able to use something unfortunate and change it into something impactful. Grief does not have to be a sad and draining experience. I believe that we can all find a way to change grief into something positive that can help support our UMassD community.
I used to always be the person that thought time was endless, and that you had all the time in the world with the ones around you. You never want to believe that at some point, the ones around you won’t be there with you anymore. Even though I wanted to believe that the loss of someone I knew my entire life but wasn’t around much wouldn’t bother me, it really did. It changed the way I went about life.
I wasn’t around her much but you never expect your mom to pass away. For me, I was always under the idea that she has always been here so how could she just be gone. When she passed away unexpectedly last summer, I was at a loss of words. I hadn’t seen her for a long time and just thought I had more time. I always assumed that this time wouldn’t come, so I just kept pushing off when I would see her.
The biggest lesson that this has taught me is that if you want to do something, then just do it because once the opportunity is gone, then it may never come back again. I missed so many opportunities where I could have gone to see her and it would have just taken a couple hour of my day. Till this day, I still regret my last time seeing her. I wasn’t having the best day and I just left without saying much to her. I hurts to think about the idea that my last time seeing her, I never said anything to her and was somewhat rude.
In the end, you never know when it’s you last time seeing someone. Even though you never want to think about a loss of a love one, always try to leave them in a way that you would be okay if it happened to be your last.
Hi Elyza, I lost a family member more than a decade ago, my father, and I thought the same way. I used to think deaths wouldn’t affect me, and they didn’t, at least back then. But now I realize that I just never tackled the grief head on, grieving the right way is hard. You always expect stuff to be normal when you get home, you never really know the last day you’ll see someone.
I thankfully never knew the process of grief until I reached Highschool. Even though I had some unfortunate losses in my family as a child, I was never really impacted by it. I never had to really think deeply and process what actually was going on, other than the fact that a family member was gone and I would see them later on.
Once I reached high school that all had changed. During your high school years you tend to go through a lot of changes emotionally and physically. This is the time where you start to find yourself. On top of that whole process I had experienced one of the most traumatic and life changing experience of loosing my favorite cousin. I was 15 years old when this happened. My sophomore year of high school. My mental health was already declining due to personal reasons, and I had to learn how to navigate through such an emotional burden.
I am someone who never liked to talk about my feelings so I tend to keep things bottled up inside. I never spoke about how my cousins death shifted my perspective of life. How can anyone really want to open up and speak about something so traumatic all while trying to process the fact that this was indeed real? This whole ordeal of keeping everything to myself really took a toll on my life. I began to fall out of love with the sport I played since I was 5 years old, started giving up in school, did not care for friendships, I even stopped having an appetite. I honestly lost myself during this whole grieving process. While everyone around me was learning who they were and what they wanted to become in life, I was becoming unrecognizable, and not in a good way.
I felt like even though my family was grieving as well, I was alone with no one on my side. Nobody really talks about how dark life can get while dealing with grief. It’s like everyone understands death is real and unexpected, but no one talks about what happens after when everyone else is left to deal with the void of a person. If there is one word to describe the grief process, I would honestly say “rollercoaster”. You go through so many changes and emotions and thoughts day by day. You can feel great one day, sad another, angry because you’re still here living life and the other person is not or even just feel numb and tired. All of those feelings are normal and valid. There is honestly no true way to deal with grief. It is different for everyone. Never let anyone tell you how to deal with such a heartbreak because it is honestly life changing, whether you want to believe it or not. You must know that you are not alone, that it is okay to feel the way you do and that there is not timeframe you must follow in order to “heal”. You must do what feels right to you. Make sure to pick yourself up along the way and to remind yourself that it is all normal. Grief needs to be talked about more to make everyone aware of the process.
Thankfully I am entering college this year, where most if not everyone has experienced death and grief in their lifetime. It will be nice to hear how others dealt with this process, and even though the deaths may be different, many of us could’ve coped the same way. I may even learn new coping mechanisms and how to approach discussions about death and learn not to be afraid of it. As sad as it may sound, grief and loss are apart of life We must learn how to make the process easier to deal with.
For the longest time I thought that someone passing would was the worst way you could lose a loved one. That was until recently, and I have found there are more painful ways to lose a loved one.
Back in May of last year my grandma had a stroke, leaving the left half of her body paralyzed ever since. Though it caused a lot of new struggles for her she was still herself, the loud, crazy, weird and lovable women I knew growing up. Over the last year though her health has continued to deteriorate rapidly. Then a few months ago she had a seizure. She has had a few in the past but unlike the previous times she didn’t come back from this one. She was later diagnosed with a mild form of dementia. She’s now in a care facility because she is no longer capable of caring for herself. I visit her when I can, but sometimes it’s hard. Most days it takes her a minute to recognize me and sometimes I’m not even sure if she really does. She rarely makes full coherent sentences, and has a distant, far off look in her eyes. I wish I could say that she still looks like herself, but she is a frail shell of her old self, which only hurts more. Mentally, she is almost completely gone. Every now and then a bit of her old self will show through, in a funny comment, or in the time she grabbed my hand and just held it for a bit. I never thought this would be her end, that this is how things would be when she went. I thought she would be stubborn and lively until the end, just as she had been my whole life.
Looking at a loved one, seeing their face but knowing the person you loved, you knew, you grew up with is no longer there is a different kind of pain. It feels so wrong to have to grieve the loss of someone who is still here. Every time I see something of hers or something that reminds me of her, the pain comes back full force knowing that I can no longer make memories with that version of her again. This experience has not only changed my views on loss but on life as well. I cherish my time with my family and friends far more now and I let them know how much they all mean to me more frequently. So, if you are reading this, maybe tell someone close to you that you love them today. You don’t know when you won’t be able to anymore.
Jay B.
I am no stranger to grief, i have seen it in every way, shape and form. I have felt it deep in my soul, a far away place i didnt know existed. I have seen it on the eyes on my family members and their tearful words, i have seen it in media, on TV, in books- ive been a witness to types of grief that are out of the “norm”. But there were two instances were i truly felt grief for the first time.
Me and my family foster, i live with my aunt and siblings and in february of 2020 we were called to see we if could pick up a 5 day old- drug withdrawn newborn from the NICU for a night. We agreed. then that turned into the whole weekend, and then a week, and then Covid hit and we decided to keep her until further notice. This baby, who we nicknamed Bean was the kindness child we had ever met. our entire family fell so in love with her, ive never met a funnier toddler. she was so kind, and despite being half the size she needed to be she was the smartest baby most people had met. 4 days before her third birthday DCF decided her mother was ready to take her back, and that is the first time i experienced grieving someone who was still alive, but so so out of my reach.
the second time I experienced real grief was after the death of my mother. My mother had lost two partners back to back and ended up succumbing to an addiction relapse. the guilt, shame, regret, and anger is something i had never experienced before. I had never known was grief anger was like until last October when i lost her. i was mad at her, her addiction, her relapse. i was mad at everyone who tried to comfort me, those who didnt try, the ones who asked how i was, and the ones that didnt. i was angry at the people who got to have their mothers at their 18th birthday, their graduation, moving into college.. i was mad at anyone who had a mother at all. i wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
this grief has taught me how to cope, how to accept help, how to ask for it. this grief has taught me how to ration my energy, how to find and appreciate real friendships, and how to know when someone doesnt have your best interest in mind. though it was some of the worst feelings i have ever felt, it has helped me grow.
The sorrow of losing a father is often shrouded in the grief of knowing they are gone, their presence forever sealed beneath the earth. Yet, my grief is different. I mourn not a father lost to the grave but a man who is very much alive. A man who remains distant, a shadow on the edge of my world.
I dreaded the days spent in his house, anticipating the sting of his anger and the sharpness of his words. Although the physical and emotional scars from his aggression are forever etched into me, it is the quieter, more insidious moments of his cruelty that haunt me most.
Now, as I sit with friends, their laughter over childhood memories starkly contrast with my dissociation. I struggle to recall moments before the age of thirteen, as his shadow darkens my memories. However, I am not angry with him anymore, as I understand he too is navigating this life for the first time. But the grace I extend to him does not dissolve the pain of unanswered questions: Why did you take it out on me? Why must I bear the burden of YOUR actions? Why do you move on while I remain scarred? Why must I grief the pieces you stole from me and the biological father I never had?
Now, as a young adult, I find my unhealed inner child desperate to provide him unlimited chances, with the hope that one day he will change and all wounds will heal. Instead, his returns deepen the wounds, magnifying the pain and disappointment with every failed promise. Brief moments of hope only became new sources of sorrow, each visit a reminder of what I have lost and what I can never fully reclaim.
In the midst of my ever-deepening grief, I am left to ponder my final question in which I extend to you: Am I a bad person for wishing I could have simply mourned him from 6 feet above?
When I was younger I always had instances of people coming and going from my life. From my parents separation to old friends moving on in life, I never really felt to big about it. It always just felt like a common occurrence to me, so much to the point where it became a norm. But I never really expected someone so close to me to leave my life, forever.
My grandfather suffered from a very massive case of dementia, so much so that he had to be point into a home a few years prior. Each time I would go and see him, he would forget me more and more, to the point where I was just a complete stranger to him. But that never stopped me from going to see him, because I loved him so much.
But a few years later, just a couple days before my birthday. He sadly passed away. And that day it hit me, its okay to feel sad when someone leave your life. That day I felt so much pain knowing that I would never see him again. And then I began to feel the pain of all the other times someone has left him life.
From that day on I knew that I had to cherish the time I had with everyone, like each day could be the last. I keep everyone close to me knowing that one day they could leave too. But that never stops me from having the time of my life. But I still catch myself from time to time, really missing my grandfather, and even missing some other people in my life.
I think we all need to take our time with everyone in our lives, especially in a time like this where sadly we wont be seeing those people much anymore. Cherish the time you do have, and don’t be afraid of the time you may not have .
Michaela V
The death of a parent is a life altering event that, no matter the age, reshapes your perspective on life. When my dad had died I was 13 years old. From a young age I was forced to face the fragility of life and the inevitability of death.
Before the passing of dad, I saw the world through the lens of a young, naive, impressionable lens. I believed that there was always time to mend broken relationships and make amends. My parents had gone through a long and grueling divorce that spanned over the last 5 years of my father’s life. This caused me to take the time I had with him for granted because I had been taking in my mother’s very biased and negative opinions on my own dad. His sudden departure shattered this lens I had been looking at the world through. It had instilled a sense of urgency in me. His death made me realize everyone’s time on Earth is extremely limited. I had suddenly realized that everything is temporary. This newfound awareness made me more appreciative of the present moment and the people and connections I have created in my life.
Grief is something that you never fully understand until you, yourself goes through it. For me I tried to take the situation I was put in and tried learn and grow from it. At times this was extremely difficult and I had felt like my whole world was collapsing. In the wake of my dad’s death, I had to navigate through a sea of emotions from anger and denial to healing and acceptance.
July 1, 2024 at 2:01 pm
Loss and Grief is a tragic time for both families and friends, losing someone who cared makes people feel sad and anger, you feel you never gotten enough time to spend with your love ones, while other might still be an stage of shock or confusion with the reasoning being too young to understand lose or the effects this will of their life that can change of how they’ll seen in the world for now on. During December of 2021, I had to face a very dark time in my life for both my family and myself. Everything felt so dark and gray that year with the holidays only feeling dreadful.
Grief is hard to move on from, especially when a close family member like a grandfather passes on so soon. I never got to see him often, only hearing the memories of my mother and aunts of what my grandfather was like and what he believed was important for his children. He knew how important education was, always expecting my mother to do well and graduate highschool. Although the stress was something that he dealt with, he still managed to provide so much for my mother and her siblings. If he was still around, he would want me to succeed with my education.
Even though this is years after his passing, I still try my best to remember him as although love ones pass on, their significance to our lives will forever impact our choices and even when its hard. I believe he would hope for me to continue on and not give up on my education or my future.
Although it’s heartbreaking to not see him as I go to college. I’ll have to face the hardships of life and still move forward as I believed he would want for me, and I hope to succeed once I complete this part of my life, with the sky not looking so dark and gloomy as before.
July 16, 2024 at 2:12 pm
This was a very strong and powerful message behind grief. I wanna start by saying I’m sorry for your loss. I myself have dealt with grief and it is definitely a very common experience amongst our communities, in which we all dread. Like you said it is a time of anger and sadness, but also the time where we are able to laugh about the little things and remember that person for they impact they have placed in our lives.
July 24, 2024 at 1:24 am
This was such a powerful blog post and I am so sorry for your loss. I really feel your pain because I have a family member that passed away that I wish saw things that I have accomplished and things that I have yet to accomplish. For a grief and loss post you did a really good job and once again I’m so sorry for your loss.
August 16, 2024 at 1:46 am
This was such a powerful blog post and I am so sorry for your loss. I really feel your pain because I too felt and dealt with this type of grief. My grandfather was also my best friend and it too broke my heart seeing and hearing him pass away. You did a great job!!!
August 26, 2024 at 5:43 pm
Thank you for sharing this was a very strong and powerful message you wrote.
August 26, 2024 at 6:52 pm
This was a strong and brave message about grief. For starters I am extremely sorry for your loss. Grief is a very difficult thing and sadly it is very common to appear is everyones lifetime a handful of times. And as you stated usually grief starts with anger, sadness, and sometimes even regret. But as time passes by you start to remember all the good times and experiences that were had and the impact they had on your life. This was a very brave post talking about something as sensitive as this.
September 3, 2024 at 11:26 pm
Grief is hard, and it is never linear. I lost my grandfather years ago and it hits me when big events come up and he’s not here to witness them. I love and appreciate your thoughts on grief. Remember that even if he’s not physically here he’s still so proud of you and smiling down on you everyday!
September 4, 2024 at 12:40 pm
I want to start by saying that I am so sorry and that this response resonated deeply with me. Having lost my own grandfather I can somewhat understand the pain you feel and I agree with the fact that they are such important figures in our lives.
September 4, 2024 at 8:50 pm
This message behind grief is very powerful. I want to begin by saying, I am very sorry for your loss. I understand your grief and the pain that comes with it since, I too have lost my grandfather whom I was very close with. You did a great job expressing the emotions that come with grief, and yet again, I am so sorry for your loss!
July 21, 2024 at 8:26 pm
Holding On:
Going into the summer of 2024, my girlfriend for the last year or so had decided to end things between us. I’m not going to make this a sad “mope” story but instead, I’d like to share something that I now hold deeply to myself. Everyone told me to move on, to let go of my feelings and memories I have of and towards her. While I agree with the idea of moving on from the feelings I have, as I shouldn’t waste my time hoping for something that is over and done with, I believe that there is a part of the lost relationship I should hold on to. I believe that I should hold on to the lows, the arguments, the stressful nights, and the mistakes I made. I feel that if I am able to hold on to and reflect on where I went wrong on these things, I can take them onwards with me with everything else I face in the future. By holding onto these bad things, I can also set standards and discipline on myself into future relationships or day to day life. I give this advice to just about anyone no matter the situation, however I don’t want someone to beat themselves up over the mistakes they made, realizing that they were wrong at one point is the important part. Hopefully one day, everyone in society is able to hold on to their own mistakes, and start to accept some responsibility for them.
August 11, 2024 at 7:59 pm
Dear Lucas,
I agree with your statement completely, as holding yourself responsible for your actions and learning from past mistakes is a key step in not only moving on from the past, but a key step in self improvement. Thank you for sharing.
August 16, 2024 at 1:27 am
I am in agreement with your sentiment. While being able to take the lessons you’ve learned from a relationship and being able to enable them for the use of a better future, it also can very well hurt when your family, friends, and other loved ones just tell you to move on, seemingly invalidating the fact you are hurt. It is also important to recognize how important the feelings you had with the ones you loved were, even if said people might no longer be with us.
September 2, 2024 at 10:31 pm
What an incredible statement. I love how you choose not to only think of the negatives that come with the ending of a relationship. Taking the time to reflect on yourself and look forward to being a better person in your future relationships speaks to the person you are.
September 4, 2024 at 12:09 am
Dear Lucas,
It’s very good to take accountability for your actions during this. I myself am in a relationship right now and I can definitely tell times can get very hard and stressful, but no matter what, everything you do is a learning experience to help build and grow yourself to a better version, so that at some point you can use the things you learned with a new person. No matter what relationships are going to be a very hard commitment, but pushing yourself to be the best you can and remaining happy on both ends, everything will be great. So definitely remember this relationship not in a bad way, but in a growing way. You got this!
September 5, 2024 at 2:48 am
This is such a good message. Although losing a relationship is hard and the first thing people want to do is forget about it, it’s important to remember that it’s still a part of your life and that you should take the opportunity to learn from it and grow instead of passing it by and not taking the time to process. I wish you well on your healing journey!
July 21, 2024 at 9:13 pm
When I think of grief and loss I am overcame with emotions. I am the type of person to not want to face my feelings head on, but rather joke around them and shut them down. I have had my fair share of facing grief. Although I have only ever known one person to leave this earth that person was the most important to me. My mom. She passed away my sophomore year of high school due to a heart attack when I was just freshly 16 years old. I have lived with my grandmother since I was 12 years old due to my mom having addiction issues, but my mom was still always my best friend. The night she had her heart attack me and my grandmother were the ones to find her unresponsive. She then was resuscitated by EMT’s, but was later declared brain dead. She passed away 2 months later. She raised me and my 2 older siblings as a single mother and still she was the most brightly shining person I have ever known. It has been a struggle to continue to progress in my life without her. Not knowing whether she is proud of the decisions I have made, and not knowing what advice she would give me for my future years of college. I live to make her proud and to carry her memories with me. She was always my best friend and always will be. I believe she would want me to put all of my effort and energy into my experience at UMD and I’m going to do just that. From going through this traumatic experience I have learned the hardship of not being able to talk to your favorite person anymore. I have learned not to take anything for granted in life. Even when things get hard you have to live through it, feel through it, and come out the other end stronger for it. I will always share my story to raise awareness on addiction in hope that in doing so I can potentially save someones life. It isn’t always sad to think about in time you begin to find the calm in the storm.
July 22, 2024 at 5:21 pm
Dear Aubry, I’m so sorry for your loss but your story makes me believe that your mother, your best friend, would be so proud of you. Welcome to UMassD!
July 22, 2024 at 5:43 pm
Dear Aubry M
I’m sorry about your mother, I know things can be very challenging but you can do anything if you believe in yourself and try hard and you are not alone in Umass Dartmouth.
August 12, 2024 at 2:29 pm
Aubry,
I am so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine the pain and grief you have went through. I understand where your coming from when you say your not the type of person to face your feelings. When facing negative emotions we often burry them and don’t want to share them with the world. Thank you for opening up to your UMASS D classmates and telling us your story. Your not alone!
August 14, 2024 at 8:34 pm
Aubry,
I am so unbelievably sorry! You are so incredibly strong and you will do amazing things that will make her so so proud. Know that there will be so many people at UMD that are rooting for you just as much as she is!
August 15, 2024 at 2:12 pm
Aubry,
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot fathom the feeling of losing my mother whether she’s in your life or not that is the woman who brought your here. She is most defiantly proud of you for being here and sharing her story.
August 16, 2024 at 1:48 am
This was such a powerful blog post and I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother can be a very tough thing to over come and grieve. Things are definitely going to be challenging but Im sure your mother would be proud of how far you’ve come.
August 29, 2024 at 5:01 pm
Hi aubry,
i just wanted to share that i also lost my mother due to addiction. she committed 8 months before i was supposed to graduate and turns 18- after she was clean for 10 years. i completely understand your feelings around wanting to make her proud. when i am struggling to make a big decision i step back and think- what would she want me to do? how would she help me cope with this stress? it has become my biggest motivator, and i think yours too. we can definitely bond over the fact that we share their stories very bluntly. addiction is horrific and life altering to everyone around them- and we have both seen this first hand. when we are not blunt, when we sugar coat things, it makes it hard for people seeking help to actually go through with fighting against their addiction. and to anyone read this, if you are struggling with addiction, suicidal ideation, or anything along those lines… there IS help. no matter what. even if you dont feel it- the people around you will mourn you to the highest extent. losing a family member to addiction is one of the most gut wrenching things. i often think “why didnt she just get help? she knows its out there. why didnt she come to me? why couldnt i help?”. if youre struggling PLEASE get help. and aubry i appluad you for resilience, i know how strong you have to be to go through something like this.
September 4, 2024 at 12:55 pm
I am so sorry that you have had to experience such a tremendous loss. Losing someone so close is heartbreaking but that fact you continue to spread her stories is amazing and it shows just how strong you are to overcome this event.
July 25, 2024 at 3:49 am
Grief and loss is something that comes in all forms. A loss is not something that always correlates with death…. same with grief. High school is definitely a period of time where one will experience at least one situation with both loss and grief. Teenagers are easily susceptible to what people think of them, especially when that thing or person is extremely important to them.
For me, track was one of the most important things for me. By the end of my senior year, the love for track was fading away, simply because of a comment my coach made about my body. Track was everything for me, it was the one thing that helped me relieve stress, allowed me to be myself, and just something I was really good at.
The comment my coach made about me took a huge toll on my mental health and how I view myself today. One simple comment sabotaged me being captain of a team that was supposed to look up to me and lean on me. Losing something that meant everything put me in a long state of grief. Going to practices everyday miserable, crying, and no longer feeling good enough carried onto my team.
Starting fresh with new people, a new environment, and a place an hour ago from my hometown gives me a sense of relief and safety. Grief and loss also comes with healing. College for me has a different meaning, for me it will allow new opportunities and an overall “new leaf” . I get to leave all of the hurt I have experienced in highschool and start a brand new chapter without grief and loss.
September 4, 2024 at 3:19 am
I greatly agree that a hundred compliments can be drowned in the wake of even just one insult from someone you care about. I feel that it’s human nature to seek out the approval of others, especially those who matter so much to us. It’s good to hear that college will help undo what your coach did and gives me hope for other people with similar experiences going into our freshman year.
July 26, 2024 at 3:02 pm
Alyssa M
The feeling of grief and loss is a very hard feeling that people have to go through. The loss of a friend, family member, or a pet can be very hard for others to understand. It is unexpected and this feeling does not just go away. Emotions run through the body and many people cannot handle it. My grandparents had two dogs when I was a child. One of them did not like me so I would not be able to pet her. The other was very loveable. I enjoyed spending time with both of them every time I would visit my grandparents house. I would go on vet visits with my grandparents to bring them to the vet to get check ups. One day I was sitting in front of the tv and one of the dogs was rubbing up against my back. I thought it was the one that loved attention from me. I turned around and it was the dog that did not like to be pet. I was in shock when I put my hand on her and was able to pet her with no bad reactions. I knew that day something was up. I felt many emotions run through my body. I felt somewhat happy that I was finally able to make peace with her but I also felt some sort of sadness inside of me because it was not normal for her to do that. A few weeks later I got the news that she was put down. I sat there that day and sobbed. Even though I was only able to pet her once, she still meant a lot to me. I would take care of her by feeding her and letting her run in the backyard of my grandparents house. It felt so unexpected and at first I did not think it was real. I did not want to believe it. Every time that I visited my grandparents house from then on, it felt like something was missing. Months passed and my grandparents got a new dog. I was happy for them, I really was. But something inside of me was angry at them because I thought to myself “how do they just replace her like that?” I have realized that these pets are not their childhood pets, they have had their childhood pets. So I went on to ask my mother about her experience with the loss of her childhood dog. She had the same feelings that I did and as time went on, she was finally able to remove that feeling she had felt but still always remembered her childhood dog. I asked the same question to my grandparents and they said the same thing.
As I go into college, I remember that it can be a hard feeling to understand and feel. I was very young during my childhood dog’s death so I did not understand how to handle my feelings. Looking back at it, I have realized that I am allowed to talk about my feelings with others and that someone will always be there for me. I believe that everyone at UmassD should know that they always have someone to talk to. I know she is up there watching over me as I go onto college and I will forever cherish the moments I had with her.
August 8, 2024 at 6:08 pm
Dear Alyssa
I want to say thank you for sharing your story it’s so extremely hard to deal with a loss of a pet. But it is always good to think of the good times you had with them.
August 16, 2024 at 1:50 am
Hello!, Im so sorry for hearing about the lost of your pets. Pets hold so much meaning in our lives and we depend on them heavy because they are there with us during the hard times.
July 27, 2024 at 5:14 am
After losing a very close family member, my parents took on the huge responsibility of raising her five-year-old son, my little cousin. Because he was so young, we had to teach him to read and write, try to get him to enjoy school, help him make friends, and comfort him after the passing of his mom. Since the tragedy was so unexpected, we were all still in a state of shock for many months, and my mom and dad were relearning how to parent a young child after both of their children were already teenagers.
A year flew past, and somehow it still didn’t sink in that she wasn’t with us anymore. I had lost grandparents, uncles, and aunts before, so I didn’t understand why I was frozen with shock. I always believed that the five stages of grief would happen in order, and that it would happen quickly. I thought maybe it was because she was so young and her passing was too early, or maybe because we were unprepared. Maybe with the stress of taking in my cousin, my family didn’t have time to stop and think.
After things started to calm down, I was finally able to mourn at my own pace. Anger, sadness, and guilt cycled through me with such intensity. However, I was still so confused on why I was having all these different feelings in such sporadic order. But I began to realize that grief doesn’t have a time limit and does not happen in a predictable timeline.
Grief will pull you in so many different directions before you make sense of your new reality. You will feel so much more than just the five stages you’re “supposed” to go through. You could feel isolated, anxious, and weak at times, but you can also feel happiness and joy. Of course, I will ever “get over” this loss, but now that I know there is no grief guideline, time has started to heal my open wounds.
August 13, 2024 at 9:53 pm
Dear Autumn M.
Thank you so much for sharing something that is very meaningful to you and others. In life we have obstacles but your family took a big responsibility to care for a young kid. Grief can be rocky at points but how your family choose to cope with this changed a littles boy life. I also want to thank you for explaining that grief can come in many ways not just the 5 stages.
September 4, 2024 at 1:16 pm
This is such an empowering statement and I love the perspective of grief not having any set stages is beautiful. It makes a lot of sense since everyone will have different experiences with grief and how loss will cause it.
July 28, 2024 at 7:21 pm
Jhaden R.
Unifying Power of Sports though grief and loss:
I used to think sports were all about winning. To me, being the best on the field was what mattered most. Then something happened during my senior year that completely changed how I view sports and their importance.
As a member of our high school Football, I’ve had my share of victories and defeats, but the most impactful moment came off the field. Our teammate Jacob, who was not only a great player but also a close friend to many of us, tragically passed away in a car accident. The news hit our team hard. We were devastated, and the excitement of our season suddenly felt irrelevant.
What happened next was incredible. The teams we had fiercely competed against reached out with messages of support. They attended the memorial service, shared stories about Jacob, and helped us cope with our loss. In that moment, the intense rivalries we had didn’t matter anymore. We were just people looking out for each other, united in our grief and our memories of Jacob.
This experience taught me that sports are about so much more than winning. They’re about resilience, teamwork, and respect. Sports have the unique ability to bring people together, to create a sense of community that goes beyond the game. As I prepare to enter UMass, I believe this lesson is vital. Sports can help us connect with others, build friendships, and foster a supportive community.
At UMass Dartmouth, sports can be a place where students, faculty, and staff come together to celebrate not just victories, but the spirit of teamwork and support. Even if someone isn’t a sports fan, they can appreciate the values sports teach; perseverance, cooperation, and the importance of being there for one another.
Reflecting on this, I’m reminded of a quote by Nelson Mandela: “Sports has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire. It has the power to unite people in a way that little else does.” Will we use this power to create a more inclusive and compassionate community?
September 3, 2024 at 3:00 pm
I agree, sports help us build lots of relationships and also allows us to learn life lessons. I feel like every child should play a sport or two.
August 2, 2024 at 3:10 am
Jaylana D
I learned that the absence of others can provide you with the presence of yourself. Read that again.
December 4th, 2022, at 4:44 am I watched my mother take her last breath. I saw her chest fall for the last time and my heart fell right with it. I was in shock; I was in so much shock that I when to school the next day and just could not cry. I let my teachers know and I remember seeing the color leave my math teacher’s face. I had to plan the funeral, I picked the spot, her outfit, her casket color, I wrote the obituary not because I wanted to; because I was the only person who has not lost it yet. But then I saw her. I saw my lively mother laying in a casket and then I lost it. I finally let it out. The most heart wrenching cry I have ever cried in my entire life. I again froze. I could not breathe; it is not fair. I believed with all my heart that she would be okay. I lost a hefty portion of myself the day my mother died.
It took a lot to heal. Heal my grades, heal my soul, heal my siblings, heal my family. I struggled and I spent so many nights crying to God and praying that He would make today my last day on this earth, but God showed me that my tribulations do not sum up my life. Each day that I woke up was not punishment, but rather a new day for me to get my life looking how I want it to. I am in no way perfect, but I had to be my own adult from that point on. So, I started senior year with certain goals and aspirations, and I saw each one of them through. I felt whole again, bought a car, started feeling alive again, held onto my dreams and pushed myself. I was gutted by everything and everyone I lost, but it formed me into the strong lady I am today. It was those very losses that made me get my stuff together, constantly pushing myself back then killed me mentally. The physical loss of someone made me gain so much mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Every day I miss my mother, but I know that she would want me to speak about what I have become rather than what I have been through. I encourage you to do the same.
Thank you for reading!!
August 2, 2024 at 1:03 pm
Thanks for sharing your story about such a difficult time in your life, Jaylana. For anyone dealing with grief, the counseling center is available to all students at UMass-Dartmouth: https://www.umassd.edu/counseling/
August 15, 2024 at 2:23 pm
jaylana,
The first sentence literally gave me chills. Thank you for sharing your story.
August 15, 2024 at 6:58 pm
Hey Jaylana,
I first want to say Im so sorry for your loss. I myself could resonate with part of your story. Knowing how hard it is to find motivation after such a loss, Im so happy you found yours and kept going strong!
September 3, 2024 at 8:58 pm
Jaylana,
I am SO sorry for your loss, I am so glad you could share your story, it will greatly inspire many people who will and already have read it! I am so glad you were able to push through and become stronger!
September 4, 2024 at 5:30 am
Jaylana
I also have lost my mom and it has been the most gut wrenching experience I think I will ever have. I wrote my mom’s eulogy so I understand when you say you didn’t exactly want to do it. Thank you for sharing your story. If you ever need someone to talk to I down to listen !
August 2, 2024 at 3:50 am
Jessica L.
To grieve a person who is still living is something I do not wish anyone to feel. You think that just because that person is alive, you cannot grieve the loss of their presence, their love, and who they used to be, but you are wrong. A few months ago, I was in a serious car accident that changed the trajectory of a friendship I cherished deeply, and will forever miss. I used to think that trauma brought people closer, and that a shared experience could strengthen a relationship. But when my best friend of five years decided to ignore me for months after the accident I hadn’t even caused, I realized that that was not the case. It’s hard to be upset, really, because people process trauma in so many different ways. Whether healthy or unhealthy, you cannot control the way people understand things. That being said, only being talked to when you’re needed for something, or to discuss the lawsuit their mother was filing against your family really doesn’t do much to deter the thoughts that that friend is gone. I tried to ignore the signs: the attitude changes and the way she would spend time with every other friend that wasn’t me. But in reality, numbing that pain just made things worse for when I eventually needed to face it. I hate that I have to pretend like nothing has changed, and that I haven’t noticed we haven’t talked in months. I still can’t make sense of the fact that we won’t watch movies in her basement tomorrow or facetime because I miss her laugh. Despite the anger, the pain, and the immense sadness a person should never have to cause you, I hope she is happy. I hate that I still care for her, that even after all the emotions I’ve suffered through, I still want to be able to remember every memory I have with her. Grief is funny like that, having you long for something that was been taken. Your pain is valid, and so are any other emotions you may feel during hard times like this. Even if you don’t think so, grief is an extension of love, and it shows just how much you care.
August 2, 2024 at 4:52 am
Grief and loss impacts every individual differently depending on how one grieves with their loss, and also makes you realize how precious time spent with family really is. In April of 2024, I lost my great grandmother. My great grandmother was a strong, inspiring woman, who was always there for her grandchildren no matter the circumstances. She would take us swimming, teach us how to cook our favorite meals, go apple picking, and just spend genuine time together sitting in her living room talking for hours. Although my family and I didn’t get to see her as often as we wished, we still cherished every single moment we spent together.
Remembering the day I heard that she had passed away, my heart was broken. I was sitting in my bedroom watching TV when all of the sudden my grandpa shouts at me to go downstairs. The first thing I saw was my grandparents sitting at the dining table, and they asked me to sit down. When they told me Great Grandma had passed away, I remember feeling completely frozen. At first, it didn’t hit me but as I fully comprehended that she was gone as more days passed by, I felt sad and angry. I had just gotten my license and I was planning to go see her days prior to her passing to check on her, and make sure she was okay, as I was told that she was already previously battling cancer. Although being under the impression she was doing better, I felt so much guilt and anger because I didn’t drive up to go see her one last time due to my school schedule, and my grandparents not wanting me to see her in that state.
The day of the funeral, as much as I tried, I could not stop crying. My tears were completely out of control, and no matter how hard I tried to hold it in, I just couldn’t. The ceremony was so beautiful, and I was glad I went to go say a final goodbye to great grandma. I got to celebrate her life, with everyone she loved, and talk to god about how thankful I was to have her while I did.
Grief and loss is something tragic that can impact individuals in many different ways. I’ve learned that everybody deals with grief differently, and that grief is a natural reaction to loss but overtime you learn to accept it. From experience, it doesn’t get better overtime, but you learn to overcome it and let them rest and continue to remember them for the rest of your life.
August 2, 2024 at 5:11 pm
Sometimes it’s as simple as a light switch, on and off.
7:04 AM, a crisp November morning. I opened my eyes to see my mom sitting at the end of my bed. She already had my coat in her hands when she said that my aunt wanted to have breakfast with me. She put the pink fabric over my head, picked me up, and carried me out of my room. I could feel her heart beating. We were outside in the driveway when I gained sight again, I was still in my fleece princess pajamas as I got into my aunts’ car. Empty police cruisers lined the
sidewalks of my once-quiet neighborhood. My mom stood still, watching us leave.
Sometimes, the shocks of adhesive defibrillator pads on your dad’s chest in your basement will never be enough to make a heartbeat again. That failure changes the hearts of others.
A common misconception is that grief gets smaller as time progresses, but the reality is that over time, grief stays the same, life just gets bigger around it. One in every twelve children in the United States will experience a loss before they turn eighteen, about 112 kids lose a parent every day. I fall into that 8 percent; I am one of the 6 million American children in this category.
I wasn’t told until days after. My mom told me that my dad was called to heaven to build houses, as he owned a construction company named after my mother and me. It wasn’t until years later that she told me it was like a light switch, and that my dad’s heart switched off. All of this was followed by being placed in therapy five months later, shortly after turning seven. When I was old enough to comprehend what happened, I began to look at life differently.
Billie Eilish famously sings the line What was I made for? I ask myself that every day as I try to find what I’m made for. I’ve been told that I love others more than I love myself. Losing my father so unexpectedly taught me that life is immensely precious, and too often taken for granted.
My father held my hand for the first six years of my life, teaching me that you do anything for the people you love no matter how big or small the action is. He taught me so much while being so far from reach.
Every morning I look at the small picture of him and me on my wall. Every day I strive to create a new reason for him to be proud of me. Because of him, I’ve learned to hold onto the ones I love, take care of them when they are in need, be the person my friends can lean on as a pillar of strength and security, be the light in the darkness, and be another reason why their hearts continue to beat.
I finally know what I was made for.
August 4, 2024 at 5:15 pm
The feeling of grief and loss is a very hard feeling that people have to go through. I believe this world is full of people who can make change. If anyone puts their mind to changing their actions for the better, they will realize that whatever they do reflects on our society. For example, in 2019, I experienced a traumatic loss with my grandmother to drugs. She was the light of my life, and she helped raise me since my mother was so young. That day I found her deceased, I tried using her phone to dial 911. But, what I found instead was a text from the person she got from, asking her how it felt. As a twelve-year-old, you would never think you would have to experience this. At the time, I didn’t know how unsympathetic people could be and even how unsafe the world was. This definitely made me have a different perspective of the world. For months, I was in denial that she was gone, and I blamed that person. But, I then realized that the world is what people make it out to be based on their actions. Just think about it, she was clean for about eleven years, and she was peer pressured into using again. Many people don’t think their actions or words have a play with how our society is. But the real question is if you do. Our society is what we make it to be. I believe that if people think about the harm they could be doing before they say or do it, this world wouldn’t be envisioned as unsafe or scary. If people thought about how their actions could change someone or something before they chose to do said thing, do you think our world would be a better place?
August 5, 2024 at 12:46 am
Ryan P
Grief and loss can be a very slow and confusing process for some people.
On March 28th of this year I would see my Grandmother for the last time in a living state. Roughly the day before that she went to the hospital because she was complaining of head pain. Come to find out she was having a stroke that quickly turned into a hemorrhage.
I remember waking up around 7 AM to the sound of my Mother crying on the phone with my Grandfather because he informed her that my Grandmother didn’t have much time left with us in this life. I got up took my medication and my Mother told me we had to get to the hospital. So, we left and got to see her one last time and say our goodbyes.
My Mother had to stay at the hospital because she had an operation the same day. I ended up driving myself home around 5-6 PM listening to “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd just wishing that it was all a dream. I left without crying but instead just feeling numb or in a state of shock, like not realizing that, that whole day happened.
I know that people tend to think that the feeling of grief and loss happens instantly but that’s not true for me I still haven’t really gotten to the point of really thinking about that day until now. I know my Sister is the same way she typically has to have a significant thing that she had tied to the person to happen to really feel that loss. What I’m trying to say with my opening statement is if you ever feel like it’s taking to long for grief or loss to hit you, that is okay. There’s nothing wrong with not feeling anything. Everyone’s grief is different that includes time it takes to grief.
The last thing I would want people to think about is don’t always make assumptions and maybe think about others and if you can think of anyone maybe check in on them. Grief, loss and sometimes just everyday life can be challenging.
August 5, 2024 at 2:20 am
Aidan G
I recently had a family member of mine pass away. He was my great uncle Ron and we weren’t especially close as I only got to see him on holidays for the most part. In addition to that I hadn’t seen him in a couple of years due to him growing distant. Regardless it was still a shock to me and the family to find out that not only did he die but he had taken his own life. We had a service for Uncle Ronny and when we got there my relatives were all laughing and talking amongst themselves. I met many family members that I had either never seen or only ever known when I was a baby. One of these people was his adopted son Hakeem, who I talked a lot with. It was only once everybody got there and the service began did the mood become more somber and everyone stopped talking. My grandfather (his brother) said a few words and so did my Uncle Ronny’s nieces and nephews. Everyone was quiet and a couple people teared up, but once the service was over we all left to go to a lunch and everyone regained their talkative attitude and once again. I initially found it strange that everyone had gone from sad to animated in such a short amount of time. It was then I realized something about grief. We shouldn’t allow grief to take over our lives and drive us from happiness. Instead we should focus on the positives, like getting to see our family members who have grown distant or were never really there at all and getting to have lunch with them. I’ll always value the conversations I had that day with my family.
August 5, 2024 at 3:25 pm
Riley R
My family and I recently suffered the loss of my grandmother earlier this year, about a month before I graduated from high school. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was say goodbye to her. I feel selfish for wishing she stayed to see me walk across the stage but it is naive to think that way. She has suffered for so long and she is finally happy at peace and no longer in pain. She has always been one of my biggest inspirations and one of the only people who believed in me as hard as she did. When Covid started she started to become very sick she was in and out of the hospital for about a year and we never knew why until one day mid October when I was picked up from track practice in my mom’s familiar car with the same smell it always had. I saw the tear stained face of my little sister, I knew something was wrong because Lilly never cries unless she is sick. Both of them remained silent until my mother put that familiar hand on my knee and my eyes started to well. “What is it”. I muttered. “Your grandmother is in rehab”. I began to shake my head while tears started streaming down. How could I be so selfish to not realize. All the puzzle pieces slowly started to fit on the silent car ride home. Her thumb still rubbing my knee
As they would fit in one by one the reliziation started to settle as we pulled up to my house. The world hasn’t stopped. The woman down the street still walked past with her dog. The American flag on my porch still swayed the same. The clouds still rolled through the sky and the sun still shined. How could the world possibly still be spinning as my favorite person was fading away.
From that day forward my eyes were open to the reality of the world more than ever before. I started to believe that bad things happen and the world still goes. I believed that you never know the struggles someone could be facing behind closed doors and to always go into the world head strong and kind to everyone you see.
August 6, 2024 at 9:18 pm
I know it’s not uncommon or out of the ordinary, but for the longest time I had a crippling fear of death. But for me, it got to the point where it would send me into intense panic attacks for prolonged periods of time. Now, I wasn’t afraid that everything around me was going to lead to my death like Final Destination, that would be ridiculous, but it was the idea of death itself. The idea that one day, everything will stop, everything will be over, but only for me. The idea that my experiences would simply vanish and everything would continue on as if it didn’t matter. This feeling persisted until about 2 years ago when my great grandmother had passed. The last time I went to visit her, she was visibly very ill, we could tell she didn’t have long, but she did her absolute best to convince you otherwise. She would laugh and smile with you, tell you about last night’s Red Sox games and how much she hated the Yankees; this persisted right up until she left us. This demonstration humbled my perspective on my fear and really opened my eyes on how to prevent my nightmare from becoming a reality. I don’t know if she ever came to terms with mortality, but I don’t think it mattered to her. She surrounded herself people she loved and loved her back ten fold. This became apparent when the time of her funeral came and the venue ran out of chairs to accommodate those who attended. Seeing this sort of flipped a switch in my brain; like a blind fold had been covering my eyes and had been lifted and I could finally see. It doesn’t matter how much you do in your life or if you’re the best at what you do, as long as you leave a positive impact on those meet, you have lived a fulfilling life. No matter how old you grow, connection will be far more valuable than any fame or fortune you can obtain.
August 14, 2024 at 4:15 pm
Hii,
I totally agree that living your life with a fear of how it ends will just get in your way. I am really sorry about your great-grandmother, but its beautiful to hear how her energy passed on to you. I think living life and loving it is so important because if you don’t use the love you have are you really living? Love is so important when it comes to living your life to the fullest 🙂
– Mira
September 3, 2024 at 7:36 pm
I love that you described your fear of death as a blindfold. The comparison truly relays that the anxiety that you have surrounding your mortality prevented you from reaching your true potential. I am so sorry to hear about your great grandmother but glad to hear she lived a long life full of happiness and love. Also, as much as we all hate losing our loved ones, I believe that you witnessing the displays of love that so many people showed for your great grandmother allowed your life to open up. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
-Nina
August 7, 2024 at 4:08 pm
The loss of a stranger
I do not know why I cried so much that day, I barely knew this person, but somehow his loss made me so incredibly sad. For context earlier this year my uncle passed away. He was my father’s brother and still lived in Brazil like the rest of my father’s family. My father who was dating my mother at the time decided to follow her into America and leave his family behind, and he had both me and my brother here to be his new family.
I barely knew my family in Brazil, as when I went there, I was too young to remember anything, so to me they were all strangers or people I would occasionally hear over a phone call and be told to say hi to. Of course, I still cared for them, since just knowing they were my family gave me a thought of connection with them, but I could never see them the same way I saw my family here in America. I was always close to my family here in America, always seeing them, and interacting with them daily. It was these people that I genuinely thought were my main family and not the ones in Brazil, but on that day, my opinion changed.
I remember the day of my uncle’s passing like it was not too long ago, but it already has been a couple of months since his passing. I remember coming home from hanging out at a friend’s house to my parents sitting on the couch with a serious look on both of their faces. The thing I remember most was the look on my father’s face as he said, “We have to tell you something,” while I saw he could barely make that sentence without letting out a tear. He told me his brother had passed away, and not even saying my uncle. When I heard this, I burst into tears in his arms. I cried there for a minute and did not want to go to work for the next few days. I and my family tried to not make it a big deal for the rest of the family, but for some reason no matter how hard I tried to hide it I cried at the thought of it, and it confused everyone, but it was so hard for me to explain this feeling, as I had never experienced loss in my family at his point. I did not know it came with such pain, especially with someone I barely knew. I guess I truly did see my uncle as family even though I never truly knew him and who he was. I suppose you do not need to have a personal connection to a person to truly feel as though they are a part of your family. This entire scenario makes me question what truly is a family and what brings them together?
August 7, 2024 at 9:30 pm
Jett C
When I was in second grade in 2013, my older sister moved out to live with her dad. I was really struggling at that time with my mental health and schoolwork. We then got a dog named Ritz, and to say she was my hero would be an understatement. I wasn’t lonely anymore, and I had something to look forward to after school that kept me motivated. Ritz was like another sister to me. As she got older, she had a lot of health issues. In June of 2023, we had to put her down. It was absolutely devastating to lose the dog that I had depended on for 10 years of my life, and the thought of going into my senior year of high school without her was terrifying. I couldn’t see a dog without getting emotional, and I didn’t understand how everyone else in my family was handling it so well. I only ever saw my mom cry, and even then it wasn’t very often. My dad managed to smile and make jokes on the way home from the vet and take us to get ice cream. I admired him for this, but didn’t understand how he could possibly handle Ritz’s death so well. He cared about her so much. It wasn’t until my mom spoke to me recently that I realized he was just as affected as I was. My parents went out together, and my dad was wearing a pair of pants that he hadn’t worn in a while. He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the baggies he had prepared from when he used to take Ritz out. According to my mom, he slowly looked back up at her and was on the verge of tears. The thought of my dad crying is enough to make me emotional. It’s hard for me to even imagine. It really goes to prove that everyone handles and copes with grief differently.
August 8, 2024 at 5:53 pm
Pierce T
This past May it was supposed to be a regular day for me but when I woke up it started weird. I was getting ready for school and my mom had noticed that my dog Emily who is a 18 year old chihuahua. Did not want to eat this morning or drink water that was not normal of her at all but it has happened in the past she won’t eat in the morning but she’ll be fine later in the day I assumed. I went to school like ever other day and I got home and Emily was laying down like she normally is but she didn’t lift her head that was off to me because it was almost like she didn’t have the strength to. I began to sit down with her and try and feed her food but she just wouldn’t eat I began to get even more worried. My mom got home I told her that we should bring her to the vet and she agreed but she wanted to wait until the next day to see if she’ll get better. I agreed so for the rest of the night we hoped she would get better and start to eat but that did not happen so the next day later in the evening we brought Emily to the vet. I had some optimize that we would receive good news. But that was not the case we got the news that the best option for Emily was to not let her suffer anymore then she has already. It was the most difficult thing I had ever had to do in my life was to see her leave when she was gone.
August 8, 2024 at 8:13 pm
Grayson L – The loss of a friend
I’ve always believed the friends you make in your life, stay your friends for a long time. I think we’ve all felt like this at one point in our lives. We think of how we can’t wait to grow up with those friends and spend time together when we’re older and be there for each other. However, eventually, you start to realize it’s time to move on from them. No one has an easy time making friends, it’s always a battle, so, when you find that one friend, who’s always there, listens, and cares for you, you do everything to not let that friendship fail. At first, everything is great, you have an amazing friendship. As years go by, you begin to put all of the work into the friendship, and they give nothing. You ask them to hang out all the time, they’re always busy. They never seem to make time for you when you’re always making time for them. Over time we come to realize that maybe, those friends should only serve as a memory of a joyous time in your life. But you can’t let go. We put so much work and love into these friendships because we’re scared to lose those people who we believe care for us. We’re told by our parents, “You’ve been friends for so long, what could be different?” Everything is different. They’re not there for you. They ignore you. You grieve the loss of the person they were when you were close. We’re all scared to say that there are expiration dates on the friends you make.
August 10, 2024 at 2:15 pm
Alyssa R – Childhood pet
One of the saddest truths about this life time is that a dogs life is a lot shorter than a humans life. I had to say goodbye to my Shih Tzu, who unfortunately passed away June 25th 2021. A few days prior, I could see that she just wasn’t doing well. Wouldn’t eat wouldn’t drink wouldn’t play with her. She used to. I brought all this up to my mom because this did not seem normal. I wrapped her up in her favorite blanket and we brought her to the vet to see what was going on and make sure she was gonna be okay.
The veterinarian tells us that she has to stay overnight so they could figure out what was going on. We go back the next day. She looked like she was fine. She had a cone on her neck because they had to shave part of her leg and the cone was just a precaution to make sure she wouldn’t go scratching it or biting it. we bring her home. She seems like she’s doing well. She’s eating she’s drinking. She’s playing until come a few days later my mom was getting ready for work upstairs and I was downstairs with my younger brother.
When all of a sudden, I just heard one loud yelp coming from the little corner, she would always lay in my older brother came rushing down, and he told me to grab my younger brother and bring him to the other room because there she was lying there basically lifeless in what I assumed was a pull of her own blood. I go running to my mom telling her what was going on. They bring her back to the vet in such a panic and I was just with my younger brother crying and not knowing what to do.
I tried calling my mom thousands of times and one answered sitting on the couch. It felt like decades had gone by until I saw my mom‘s car pull in. I could see as she was getting out that she had been crying, she didn’t come back with my dog she came inside and there was nothing that could be done to save her because she had blood out too much and there was nothing they could do but put her down. so this day, I can still hear those four words my mom sent to me in a shaky voice “she didn’t make it”
It has been four years since I lost her I had her ever since I was born she always knew what to do and how to act to make me feel better whether it was going for a walk or splashing around in her water bowl. anyone who has lost a pet now’s how hard it is to let them go after years and years of having them by your side, but all I know is that she’s looking down at me from heaven Just telling me to never give up to always try my hardest even if times get hard to never stop trying.
August 11, 2024 at 4:34 am
Emily m – a loss of a grandparent
In November of 2019 I lost one of the most important people in my life and it completely destroyed me. A few weeks prior to my grandma passing I went and visited her at her house and she seemed a bit off but I didn’t really think anything of it. We went about our day shopping ect and i left her house like i normally would. A couple weeks go by and my mom called me downstairs to tell me my grandma is in the hospital because she felt sick and just wanted to make sure everything was ok. They took a bunch of tests and found out she had cancer in her stomach. She was completely devastated and I was too but we were both trying to be strong and fight through it together. Another week goes by and she’s doing treatment to hopefully make the cancer go away then all of a sudden she had trouble breathing and then she was flatlining. I was hysterically crying begging for her to be ok and then the doctor called time of death. My world ended that day and I don’t think I have been the same since. She was my world. We did absolutely everything together. I spent more time with her than anyone else in my family. I stayed at her house for weeks because the thought of her being gone didn’t sit right with me. It’s been 5 years since she passed and I miss her more and more everyday. This was the worst part of my life and I was 13 when it all happened. Go spend time with your family, you never know what they won’t be here anymore.
August 11, 2024 at 7:41 pm
Ryan D – Loss of Father & Step Father.
The saddest reality that one can face throughout their upbringing is the reality that death is permanent. I believe this to be true due to the personal struggles I have had to face with loss and the grieving process following these losses. To cut a long depressing story short, my parents split around age 11 causing me to live solely with my mom and my sister, and barely seeing my dad as I got older. My dad’s reaction to the entire situation was to end up getting himself into legal trouble; which I will not go into because of the severity of it, but it helps paint a picture of his mental state at the time.
After some time went by, my mom began to see new people. She eventually married a man, who I would come to know as my step father Mike. It was clear even to the eyes of my 13 year old self that things would never be the same in the household due to the absence of my biological dad under the same roof as I; and for the longest time everybody had a sort of metaphorical rain cloud showering over their heads. Thankfully, as Mike came into our household everybody’s overall mood seemed to change for the better. This was until a specific night during the winter of 2021, where I woke up to red blaring lights pouring through my bedroom window at around 5 in the morning. It was a hospital truck and they were here for my step father. He had passed from a heart attack on the couch in the middle of the night seemingly at random.
This event brought everyone in the house feeling a sense of despair for the next year or so until we eventually went through the process of grieving and accepted that he was truly gone. As this event occurred, I began to see my biological father less and less because of the emotions I was feeling. Over a 2 year period, it seemed that everything between me and him was getting worse and worse, where our only times together would be during holidays or birthdays. It eventually got the point where I feared even speaking to him over the phone, and I eventually stopped calling him entirely out of fear. I regret this more than anything.
Sometime last year in March during school, my teacher received a phone call stating I was being dismissed. I had no clue why and was skeptical about it, but still had to head down to the office to see what it was about. My mom had dismissed me, and told me she’d tell me why in the car. As soon as we both got in the car she told me that my dad had passed away from an overdose sometime earlier in the day.
To this day I am still struggling to come to terms with the loss, and can’t help but blame myself for his passing. If I was just there to talk to him instead of fearing his presence then maybe he’d still be alive. I’ll never know that for certain, but if there’s anything that I can takeaway from everything that’s happened and how it has effected my family and I, is that loss is the hardest reality to come to terms with.
August 12, 2024 at 4:38 pm
Alexia G – Loss of grandmother
Losing someone isn’t only sad when they are blood related. On Monday July 1, 2024 at around 6:00 PM my life took a turn. Earlier that day I had went with my brother and my mom to the mall to go shopping and to waste time. When I got home I was rushing to get ready since I had a spring track banquet with my team, including food, games, awards, and each other. I texted some of my teamates to figure out if we were dressing fancy or casual and they said they were dressing casual so I did too. I called for my mom twice and had no reply and even asked my brother if he knew where she was but he didn’t know either. At this point I was already running super late per usual and still had a 23 minute drive ahead of me to get to the location of the banquet. I grabbed the blue gatorade out of the fridge that I was assigned to bring that to the banquet and then I headed out the door. I walked out of my front door with a string bag on my back, keys in my hand, phone in my pocket, and the blue gatorade in the other hand, and headed to the driveway. When I was about to open my car door I looked to my right and finally found my mom. I took a double take and realized she was on the phone with someone, her eyes were watery and her voice was lower. I asked who it was and she said it was Vovo which is my grandma. I asked her what was wrong twice and she kept telling me she would tell me when I got home from the banquet and to go have fun with my team. That wasn’t the answer I was looking for, so I stood my ground and told her I wasn’t leaving the house till I knew what was wrong. She then started with saying “i’m sorry”, and at that point my heart already sunk and I didn’t know what she was gonna say next. She said, “i’m sorry but your nana has passed away in her sleep”. My mouth remained open, the tears fled down my face and neck and my fingers lost grip and dropped the gatorade package on the driveway. I was shook. She comforted me and asked if I still wanted to go to the banquet and of course I was still gonna go because i’m a captain and it would be the last time I saw my team. After a few minutes of crying, I got into my car with my GPS and the tears just kept falling down my face making my vision fuzzy and blurry. I drove safely and arrived at the banquet. When I got there my best friend who is also my teamate said sorry for your loss to me and comforted me. That was the first time I had ever cried that hard in front of someone. The grief hit me for the entire week. I had to work through the pain. I was just so confused on why she had died when I saw her a month prior when she flew down for my high school graduation and she had no health issues. I kept replaying her voice in my head all week and kept rereading her text messages to me, but it just kept making me sadder. She was an amazing nurse and I aspire to be like her since I want to be a nurse too and follow in her footsteps. I now look for her in sunsets and take pictures of them everytime. Even though she wasn’t blood related she was still a nana to me and was always there for me since I was born. At Umass Dartmouth I believe I will find people with stories similar to mine and we can help each other cope and know that everything is going to be okay. Life really does take crazy turns and you never know whats gonna happen next.
August 12, 2024 at 6:28 pm
Jaela A -loss of a grandmother
Grief +loss are both strong words to describe something unimaginable and unexpected. Although it is sometimes expected the feeling,pain and heartbreak will never be something someone will be ready for. Growing up in Nigeria I saw grief and loss more than expected from the constant funerals to witnessing pain shown from family ,friends and loved ones. Even though I supported everyone I never really understood that pain people might felt.
Coming back home to America I felt life would be different in a way of protecting me from grief and loss but In 2019 I was sadly mistaken when I had those feeling of pain and heartbreak that one couldn’t explain. Losing my Nana is a feeling I cannot describe. No amount of words can describe how I feel about losing the most caring and loving mother, loving grandmother and amazing wife. We were so grateful to have her in our life and for her to be gone is something that I would have never imagined. That moment made me empathize with how the family and friends in Nigeria felt.
Grief and loss are things that no one wants to talk about but it a hidden feelings that break down our mental health. Grief and loss can be in many things, you can grieve and lose a loved one, a friend, a relationship, a job, a past life or the version of yourself you once were.
August 12, 2024 at 6:32 pm
Owen D
For the first 16 years of my life my dad was the most important person. I felt like we had an unbreakable bond because of how similar we were. He and I had the same sense of humor, liked the same activities, and had pretty similar personalities. I’ve become the person I am today mostly because of him. My dad is also how I got into watching sports like football and basketball. Together, we watched the Patriots win super bowls and watched the Celtics lose in the 2022 finals. All of that changed in September of 2022 when he made a stupid mistake. I believe mistakes can be forgiven, and everyone in my family was willing to forgive him, but instead of trying to earn our trust back and righting his wrongs he stayed away and that was the last time I saw and spoke to him. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen him and everyone has moved on, but sometimes I wish that he was still around so he could have seen me graduate from High School or could have seen me get into the nursing program. Losing him is the worst thing that has ever happened because even though he is still alive and, in my city, I have no idea where he is or what he’s been doing over the past two years. He went from being the most important person in my life and someone I knew a lot about to someone who I don’t think of most days and now know nothing about.
August 13, 2024 at 4:11 am
Isabella R
Grief and Loss is a very hard time for everyone. You’re overflowing with so many different emotions. You wonder what it would be like had things turned out differently. You wonder if there was anything else you could have done or said. It is an extremely difficult and confusing time, and it is something that never goes away. In April of 2013 my family and I had to experience one of these times. My Aunt passed away after battling lung cancer. We had so many plans for things we were going to do when I got older, and I’ve heard stories about all of the things we did together while she was here.
Although I say I’m not sure where my passion to go into Nursing came from, I truly believe deep down it is for her. I will never forget all of the hospital visits where the Doctors and Nurses were doing their very best to care for her. You could tell this was where their heart was and what they loved to do. I want to be that person to someone and their family. Whether I realize it or not, she left such a significant impact on who I am, and who I continue to become. I believe she is where my burning passion to become a Nurse and help others sprouted from. Although she is not here, she will continue to be my motivation to push when I feel like I’m stuck.
September 4, 2024 at 3:44 pm
Hi Isabella, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, and good luck in nursing.
August 13, 2024 at 5:45 pm
Emma A,
I have always had pretty weird opinions about death. It is a weird concept, people believe it’s scary, people think it’s peaceful, the worlds views on death varies widely and connects to the deep roots of every living being. It’s part of nature.
When I was young and my grandmother died, I quite frankly didn’t care. I had met her once or twice, she was my dad’s estranged mother. I was also still very young around 7-8. I remembered her but only flashes of memories. My dad didn’t seem very sad, he didn’t cry and he never talked about it. At around 13 my great-grandmother who my whole family was close with died. This was different it felt like a hole was dug in my family. My mom cried all of the time, everyone cried, I cried but I didn’t know why I was crying. It honestly just felt like I was crying cause everyone else was. For some reason death to me wasn’t sad it was a fleeting feeling of empty. To me it didn’t mean the end of the person, it meant they just weren’t here. It was confusing I wasn’t sad she died I was more upset that everyone else was hurting and she just was gone. I started to realize we don’t cry over death we cry over the absence of life or of being. One of the deaths that hit me the hardest which seems silly to say was my dogs, I relate dogs to people. All of the dogs I have ever owned have been my best friends and I treat them as such. When my great dane died everyone cried, my whole family even my dad. The reason was that he was suffering and we knew we had to make the choice to put him down, I cried because I didn’t want him to be gone, I didn’t want my bestfriend to be absent from my life.
The point of these small snippets into the death in my life lead me to this point. Death brings more than sadness. To me death brings empty, it brings loneliness, it is loss, it is empathy, it’s peace, it’s the beginning of new. Death brings more into life bad or good. This changed my view on cherishing every moment, every word my grandfather speaks to me, living in every hug from my mom, and doing everything I aspire to do before I am the empty in my own life.
August 13, 2024 at 6:49 pm
Loss Is a really hard thing to go through.I have so many memories of my hero.He has always been a great role model for me. His name was Tadesse bengde.My grandpa was a wise man that gave advice,the best storyteller in the universe, the best person to cheer you up when you’re down and the funniest man alive. He brought everyone together. He was the glue around the family, the smile was contagious, he lit up everyone in the room. My grandpa was the biggest blessing in my life. He had a lot of wisdom and knowledge. He always adored me, he always there to support me no matter what. The bond between my grandpa and I was unbreakable.he was like a second father to misbehave always looked up to him. He is always there for me to pick me up and cheer me on and always teach me good values.he had high expectations for me to rise up to challenges.my grandpa used to say yetemare wediko iyiwedkimi which translates to a person a who gets educated will never fail in life. This quote states with throughout my time in america when things get tough and difficult i always remember this words and it always help me through my tough time i always want make him proud i wish he would see how far i have came im doing this for him my grandpa Tadesse bengde i always love you Rest in peace.
August 14, 2024 at 12:27 am
Dominic G
At the time of writing this blog post, I had recently attended the funeral of a loved one who has passed away. Even though I was not very closely associated with this person and their life you could see the impact of losing someone close to you on the people around me. The eulogy speech from the family member spoke of the many times that impacted them and their family. It had truly hit the hearts and minds of the family members and it got me thinking about the human reaction to grief and loss that causes an effect on us all. How some of us are unable to accept the fact that the person has passed on, or how others have accepted that death is a part of life that we cannot escape from. In more recent times I’ve seen a decline in one’s own ability to cope with feelings of grief. Instead of expressing these feelings in a healthy way they choose to take methods in which only momentarily they can make the pain go away with drinking and drugs. In recent years this problem is only increasing with people my age. It is an epidemic that is not being properly addressed in our local communities to young people that are clearly showing signs of the inability to cope with the pain. As someone who has always struggled with comprehending their own thoughts and feelings, in my personal opinion more measures need to be put in place for people like me. So people like me can know that we don’t have to deal with these emotions that eat at us on a daily basis.
August 14, 2024 at 4:41 am
NadiaV
Grief and loss are things that are extremely hard to deal with and understand for a lot of people. Some people tend to act like everything is fine and nothing barely happened, while others tend to be very emotional and distressed. Then you have others who could take out their grief and loss on others because they’ve let it build up for so long. For me personally I pretend everything is fine but with the people I hold close to me know it’s not fine and what’s really going on. Within the past two years I’ve lost multiple friends and family members.
One thing I’ve noticed while going through losing my old best friends because of some childish drama is sometimes you got to let go and stop holding on to a relationship that’s far too broken to fix. Even though it hurt and I spent nights feeling like I had no friends and I was lonely I realized I was happier. So sometimes losing people is not a bad thing because it could make you open up your eyes and realize how you truly deserve to be treated.
Also when I’ve lost family members i do mean mostly my pets because after spending years together the longest being eighteen years they become family and a part of your heart. In the past two years I believe I’ve lost three animals, two who were eighteen years old and one who was around 10 years old. My cats Precious and Rocky were twins and they died around a year apart and it hurt so bad losing both of them. I was miserable and just overall drained for days after because they were with me ever since I was a baby.
Basically losing people in your life whether it be friends, family, animals, or others can change you but it’s about how you process and deal with it in your life. Also everyone grieves differently just as everyone reacts to a loss differently.
Do you handle grief and loss differently than I said? (If so if you feel comfortable please share in replies I only used my personal situations)
August 14, 2024 at 3:44 pm
Holding his fragile, broken frame in the palms of my hands as I waited for the vet to arrive put time in a standstill. I couldn’t move a muscle, only look down in despair as he anxiously crawled in-between my fingers. I was only a bystander in front of the unforgiving hands of death as I had to hand him over to the vet, watching him disappear behind the double doors, never seeing him again.. A similar repeat to the year before, cradling his sister in my arms as she passed before she was euthanized. His birthday is tomorrow, gone far too soon. However, I’ve been grieving for nearly eight years. Grieving a lost sense of security, troubled times at home that left me yearning for something safer. And in the middle of the chaos, I found my first pet, a bearded dragon, Moxie. She was a hatchling bought from a pet store, and as we got older, she became like a therapy animal for me. Grounding me when I’d be breaking down in my room, alone. Next came Arnie, sweet, tiny Arnie, his body too weak to keep going, but he remained full of life until the very end. It sounds silly, but those two were my everything. Although they were silent, the house has felt too quiet ever since they left. In my eyes, it doesn’t matter what’s being grieved or how long it was alive, rather, it’s the impact it had on you that counts.
August 14, 2024 at 4:05 pm
If you had asked me in junior year what it looked like to grieve, I probably would’ve given a cookie cutter answer which would’ve been my attempt at listing the stages of grief. If you were to ask me now, I would tell you that to grieve is to love. This might not exactly be a shocking revelation, but in the context of my senior year, learning this was one of the most important things I gained.
In the fall of 2023, my cousin’s husband was killed. I had lost family members before, but this was new. To see someone ripped from the world so unnaturally at the hands of another person gave this grief a whole new perspective. I didn’t know him that well, but I could not stop thinking about what my cousin had lost. Not only did she lose her husband, but she lost a source of LOVE. An outlet for her to give and take. Someone who was supposed to be a constant in her life was here one moment and gone the next.
A part of the Jewish custom when you lose someone is to sit shiva, which means to talk about and share stories of the deceased with people who knew them. This is the same custom my father observed when my grandfather passed in April of 2024, just a few months later. In Judaism, in the first week of grieving you do not cook, you can’t shave, and you only wear torn clothing. However, the custom of grieving lasts a year but gets less restricting. For a year my dad and cousin are not to celebrate anything, listen to live music and have to be in temple twice a day.
Throughout high school, I didn’t really feel connected to my religion, but it came into play as I watched my father grieve. He too had lost someone super important to him and to watch him sit out of birthday dinners and graduation parties because of his loss made me realize something important. Not a day goes by that my father or my cousin don’t think about the love they have lost. They think about them in the morning, and evening, go to sleep, and repeat this every day. And with every thought, came a memory of love, so every second of their custom to grieve was filled with love.
These experiences with grief taught me how important it is to love when you grieve. Grieving with regret and anger risks taking away from the person’s memory, but to grieve with love is to celebrate their life and what they stood for. And so as I enter my college experience and the adult world I hope to be that source of love for someone when they need it, and I hope I find my source somewhere too.
August 14, 2024 at 11:35 pm
Dominic D.
I was sitting in the car with my mom when we got the call. It was my grandfather calling her to inform her that my grandmother had just passed away. She hung up the phone and cried with me. However shortly after he called back and stated that they managed to resuscitate her. That night she flatlined again and was resuscitated once more.
She was put on hospice. Every moment spent with her was priceless and none refundable. This belief that every moment was valuable really helped me feel like I was making the most of the limited time I had left with her. I’d stop by and visit more often and I would have dinner with them. For a while she seemed to be improving, but that was short lived. After a couple of months her health began to steadily decline. Within the span of two weeks she went from her usual self to a husk of her former state.
I made multiple visits in the span of a few days and on one night it was particularly grim, and I had a feeling that the time had come. So I went to say goodbye to my grandma one last time and gave her a kiss goodnight. That was the last time I saw her awake. I’m thankful that I was able to spend more time with her before she passed and thanks to my belief I was able to squeeze out some more good memories before she was taken to heaven. Our time on this earth is limited, but our time together is fleeting. So what are you gonna do with the time you have left?
August 15, 2024 at 1:24 am
Lauren C
When someone you love gets sick, it makes you realize just how precious time is. I had never really experienced much loss in my life before 2022 when my aunt was diagnosed with an aggressive form of terminal lung cancer, and it forced me to change my perspective on certain things in life. I only had about 6 months left with her and had to cherish every extra second she was given to be here. I went on my first cruise, went to my first professional baseball game, and got to see her go from state to state doing everything she could accomplish to check off her bucket list.
When she passed away later that year it still didn’t really hit me that it was real. I thought there wasn’t possibly any way that if I got in a car and drove over to her house she wouldn’t be there. It didn’t always feel the same to talk about either. One day I could talk about her for an hour and feel completely fine, the next I couldn’t even think about her without wanting to cry. As time has gone on, it has gotten easier to deal with, but the pain never really goes away completely. That’s something I’ve come to deal with.
Eighteen days later I was told another one of my aunts had cancer, a different form, one that had a much higher survival rate. It was difficult to change the mindset from one experience similar, but different, from another. Seeing someone else I loved going through the same thing but trying to hold on to hope that it would end differently. Since then my grandma was also just recently diagnosed with cancer. Although I have experienced these feelings before, it’s still never easy to see and deal with the thought of knowing that anyone at any moment could be gone.
Every second that you gets to spend with someone you love is precious, don’t take it for granted.
August 15, 2024 at 2:42 am
Kayla M
I’ve always loved watching television, from the drama-filled moments on shows like The Bachelor to documentaries like Deadliest Catch. However, there was one specific time when an event on television changed my outlook on the value of life.
One night I was watching the competition show America’s Got Talent. I loved the variety aspect of this show, from acrobats to comedians, it had a bit of everything. One act reached the stage, a gleeful thirty-year-old woman named Jane, with her singing persona named Nightbird. As the judges interviewed her, Nightbird revealed to the audience that she had been diagnosed with cancer. The audience was shocked, but even more shocked at her amazing ability to sing and write music.
When it came time for Nightbird’s next performance, she did not arrive at the AGT stage. Her cancer had spread too far, leading her to pass away. Like many fans, I was heartbroken. She was so happy and full of life on the stage that it seemed like Nightbird was fine.
A few days later I checked Nightbird’s Instagram and noticed that almost all her posts have her smiling. I realized that when Nightbird’s life ended, it was while she did what she loved. Although she wasn’t able to make it to the finale, she was still able to sing. Nightbird’s passing has changed my view on the value of life. She spent her remaining time on earth doing what she loved with a smile, which I believe is important for all.
August 15, 2024 at 2:48 am
Dillan P.
The subject of grief and loss is something that truly changed my entire perspective on life. As a child I had never really considered death to be so impactful or that it would ever really affect me in a meaningful way. I had continued to feel this way until I experienced my first death within my family being my grandfather. He was someone that I held very dearly and close to my heart as he would tell me stories of pirates and other fantasy adventures. I still vividly remember looking at his body during the wake and how uneasy it made me feel. He just looked so fake and unreal that it made my stomach turn and I almost couldn’t go up to it. I do not believe that I ever really processed how I felt about his passing until the funeral a few days later, when it had finally dawned on me that I would never be able to see or speak to him again. That realization crushed me, I felt so lost and numb and completely swallowed by grief. I didn’t want anyone to know how I felt though, I was too afraid to show it so I tried my best to bottle everything up at that moment. That didn’t last too long since once I saw everyone else crying around me I completely broke. Seeing and experiencing just how great of an impact that loss can create is what led to me wanting to be the one to not cry, and be able to stand strong and comfort those being swallowed by grief and sorrow. I don’t want to be consumed like that ever again, all I want to do is be able to become a helping hand to those being claimed by loss.
August 15, 2024 at 3:03 am
Brayden A
I choose Grief and Loss to write about although in retrospect I’m not certain this was the best choice after reading some of the comments of my peers. The answer for that is no one really wants to talk about Grief and Loss, do they? These two subjects affect everyone differently and it really is a personal matter. However, as it is something I chose, I will share my limited experience in such matters up to this point
I have been fortunate so far and have not really experienced much loss as of yet in my life . Of course, I dread the day that I will go through the loss of my family members, but I have recently experienced a loss that might debatably fit in this category depending on one’s perspective as a loss of “family” in that we loss our dog. This was my dog from when I was young. He was truly the definition of a man’s best friend and while some people would move on and ” get over it”, get another dog, or not even really consider this a loss of a loved one. I did. I know to some this might seem like a trivial loss, but it wasn’t to me. In the moment and even now, I miss him. I know there will be more loss in my life ahead of me, but I never really think “Greater” is the proper word when it comes to loss. No matter who or what it is as long as it is a loss to you, you will always feel a like a piece of your self is missing and that’s what makes them all a loss.
August 15, 2024 at 3:05 am
Riley G.
Since a young age I have been taught how precious life is and how you really must make the most of it, but I felt I didn’t really understand that fact until I experienced a grief of my own. Almost a year ago I lost my childhood dog, a lively chocolate lab named Thunder. Thunder was my first real experience with grief at an older age. My family knew he was sick and that he wasn’t young to be with us much longer so I spent as much time with him as I could in his last days because I felt like I needed to make up for the missed time over the years.
After Thunder’s passing it felt weird, I hadn’t yet processed that he was gone because he had been such a huge part of my life for more than 10 years. The thought that I would never see him again when I walked in the front door or the fact that he wouldn’t be begging me for food when I ate my breakfast before school were just foreign ideas to me until he passed. I look back with regret of how little time I spent with Thunder once I got to high school, or even how annoyed I would get with him sometimes because now I just wish I could see him again. The experience of grief has really engrained in me how little time animals and humans have to live and how precious it really is. In the future I want to appreciate more small moments because I don’t want to look back with regret, and instead I want to feel like I did my best to show them how much I cared for them.
August 15, 2024 at 3:23 am
LuaraT
Going into my freshman year of high school, I received horrible news that my grandma had been diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, I was devastated, and frustrated, especially being 4,089 miles away, unable to do anything to help. After months of fighting in chemo, she passed away. My world fell apart even though I knew it was coming. I just couldn’t believe it would happen. Grief and loss can be difficult to cope with, and many people tend to lose themselves trying to do it alone.
I was one of them, during my grandma’s battle I kept praying nonstop, clinging to the faith she had given me. However, after she passed, I began to question everything and ended up losing my faith in my religion completely. At the end of sophomore, still struggling with grief, I began seeking help from family members and close friends trying to regain the faith I had lost during a hard time. That’s when I changed my mind, through all the support I realized I wasn’t angry at my faith but at the fact, that my prayers didn’t heal my grandma.
Experiencing grief and loss, I came to believe our generation needs to seek help when needed and not be embarrassed by it. My belief in seeking help is important for me and my wider community it means not facing struggle alone and finding support during tough times. It shows the value of helping one another and build a more compassionate and connected community for everyone
August 15, 2024 at 3:56 am
Something that made me question a previously held belief is the loss of my little brother. I used to believe that losing a loved one was not one of the hardest challenges that someone could face, but that belief changed the day that I lost my little brother. When I would see videos on TikTok of the environment people would live in after losing someone I would say “There’s no way that they let their emotions overpower their ability to get any work done”. Now I know that I only thought that because I personally never lost anyone close to me and had no idea the major effects of that. The death of my brother took a toll on me, and never in a hundred years did I think I could face such a painful experience. I was at a point in life where I thought there was only one way out of it, and it got so bad that I stayed home for a whole month and didn’t talk to anyone. This belief should be as important to everyone as it is for me because as a society we should never judge others what they’re going through because if we were in their shoes we probably would have reacted the same or worse. I believe we should never judge anyone for the way that they cope with the problems that they go through because we all grieve differently. Through grief, we let our memories and future goals shine through.
August 15, 2024 at 7:49 pm
Good afternoon,
I am so very sorry for your loss; nobody deserves to go through what you have. You are very strong. Sending healing prayers and comforting hugs.
August 15, 2024 at 4:21 am
Daisy Silva
In middle school, I thought I had found the perfect group of friends, girls who seemed confident and popular. They were everything I wanted to be, and since I was desperate for validation, I did whatever they did, even lying to my parents about my whereabouts. One day, that all caught up with me. My parents called, going crazy because they didn’t know where I was. I ignored them and continued talking to my friends. I didn’t want them to know that I had a bedtime and that my parents cared about me when I came home.I was devastated to learn that one of those friends had snitched on me, not out of concern, but because she was envious. That’s when I realized they weren’t the friends I thought they were. I realized that to fit in with them, I had become a stranger to myself.
When people hear the word “grief,” they often associate it with the loss of a loved one. But for me, I grieved the loss of my old self. It was painful, but I knew she had to go. It was a false identity, and I knew those girls were toxic. I had to reinvent myself all over again. Losing my old self felt like losing a loved one because the old me was everything I knew. I had to let go of my past and recognize that growth requires change. It was a necessary step to move forward.
Now, I see the woman I’ve become, and I’m proud of everything I’ve been through and accomplished. The old me was a necessary chapter in my life, but it’s not my whole story. In the grief and mourning, I discovered something more valuable,the person I am today.
August 15, 2024 at 5:20 am
aquashieidun
i wanted to pose a different aspect of grief, the greif of losing a relationship with someone closeWhen you think about grief, the first thought your mind runs too is to think of someone that isn’t there but what about Loss of someone who hasn’t left this earth yet? The feeling of hopelessness when someone you can physically touch is no longer yours when I was younger. I had a best friend we were as close as anyone could be, but we had a big fight about some thing that I can’t even remember anymore, but long story short we ended up not speaking ever again, and when I was younger, I didn’t really know how to verbalize these emotions but as I’ve gotten older and I’ve been through romantic relationships and break ups and familial break ups, I’ve been put in situations more than once I’ve someone who hasn’t passed it’s a soul punching emotion that rips you up from the inside out because as much as you want to see this person and hug this person you can’t because in a sense they aren’t yours anymore and you can’t verbalize those emotions into things like anger and resentment the holidays spent together that are now no more the meaningless laughs that now seem like everything you don’t think of those things in the moment until it seems like your favorite person is just out of grasp, but as I’ve gotten older and I would like to assume wiser, I see that it may hurt in the moment things like this happen so that we can grow as people well grief holds many forms. It all teaches us how to hold those happy memories, grief, in all its forms has made me realize how important it is to cherish memories and people while they’re there and that mourning comes in many forms but to celebrate the times you had without taking away from the good with what ifs and what could have been done differently I can only hope that my impact big or small can help enrich peoples lives no matter how long or short our time together may be
August 15, 2024 at 5:28 am
Sarah R.
Most of the conversations around grief focus on the loss of loved ones, such as family or close friends. So, I never expected that my first experience with it would come from three people who I never met. This was when, on an 8th-grade class trip to Peru, I witnessed the scaffolding of a building collapse. The street was filled with debris, but to my dismay, it was much more than that. As I looked around, I noticed that there were three construction workers with blood pooling underneath them. Not only were the sights very distressing but the sounds were too. The children were crying and screaming, while the stray dogs were barking. That is something I will never forget. Our tour guide quickly took us away from the scene and brought us into nature. During this time, I buried my head in my hands crying. I thought of the loved ones, and how devastated they would be after hearing the news. Even my dad, who I never saw cry, was crying then. I did not let out a single word because in that moment all I could do was cry. The grief even affected me physically, to the point where I turned pale and felt sick. In the beginning, the grieving process was very difficult. I would burst into tears whenever I spoke about it and even have nightmares about it. It has gotten easier over the years, though. Overall, this experience led me to believe that grief can affect you no matter who that person is. Moreover, I believe everyone deals with grief differently.
August 15, 2024 at 2:07 pm
Grieving the loss of a person who still lives is one of the most indescribable feelings one can feel. After my ex of 4 years cheated on me, my whole life was turned upside down. I had lost by best friend, my other half, and my soul tie. I had so much hatred towards him for what he did but also so much love for him after 4 years. I spent a lot of time drowning in my thoughts about why he did it, what could I have done to prevent it, what she had that I didn’t, and the fact that I was never going to move on from this. I thought, “how could I ever possibly heal from something like this?” I always thought the main step into moving on was forgiving the person, but I had no interest in forgiving him. It was so frustrating knowing I’d never find the goodness in my heart to forgive him because I’ve always been a very forgiving person. I’ve found that the weight of holding a grudge is much heavier than to let things go, but this was not something I could just let go. When forgiving someone, people often say, “It’s okay, I forgive you.” This wasn’t okay and I didn’t want to give him the impression that I thought it was. I couldn’t find a balance between forgiveness and hatred until later down the line of my healing journey when I felt acceptance. I think people tend to forget the significant difference in the words “forgiveness” and “acceptance”. When the late-night thoughts of trying to figure out why I deserved this, or why it even happened in the first place stopped, that was the day I had accepted the situation and realized there was nothing that I could do about the situation and that what happened, happened. Even though the situation itself didn’t bother me anymore, I still could not forgive him for what he did. To be betrayed by someone you had so much love and trust for, someone you trusted fully with your heart, someone who destroyed your faith in pinky promises, is someone who should never be forgiven for their actions. I still grieve the person he once was and the relationship we had, as well as what we could’ve been, but the harsh reality is forcing yourself to accept what is and what isn’t in order to move on for yourself. There will always be a part of me that loves him no matter what he has done, but my love for him does not amount to the betrayal and disappointment I feel from him. Grieving the loss of a person who still lives is one of the most indescribable feelings one can feel, we no longer share the same life, but we breathe the same air and gaze at the same moon and stars every night, and that’s something I’ve learned to accept.
August 15, 2024 at 2:25 pm
Owen T
This isn’t about someone I loved passing away but losing someone that I loved and cared about. Relationships are hard and confusing; you start to worry more and more about it hoping you’re doing the right thing but then the day comes when you or the other person think it has run its course and you break up. In a way, this can change you depending on how long the relationship lasted.
Recently my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me, she had a year of high school left and I’m about to start college 2 hours away, we were happy together until the other day she blindsided me and wanted to break up. I wasn’t mad but was sad and felt empty and still do while writing this. It will take a while to lose this feeling, but it will hopefully go away one day. But how does this loss shape my belief? I believed and hoped that we would make it work, be together for a long time, and that our relationship was going perfectly fine. It hurts, and it will for a while, but I believe it will eventually be ok, once I get to college I will move on and find somebody new! For now, I will sit with this empty pit in me but not everything will last forever and sometimes they either sink or float. I sadly sunk and that’s ok! I hope I meet a nice girl and college and start something with them and maybe one day it will all work out!
August 15, 2024 at 3:41 pm
Grief and sorrow are topics I’ve had to endure these couple of years from 2019-2022. I’ve lost 4 family members during the pandemic and 2 of those family members where really really close to me, those 2 years of quarantine were tuff times for me and my family and cause of those struggles it made me want to persevere and try to give my life more meaning. after my aunt got cancer while my grandma from my dad side had terminal ill cancer, meaning she didn’t have much time with us. on that day. I had never in my life seen or heard my father cry, but just hearing him break down was devastating to me. I just blamed myself like “why couldn’t I get older faster,” or “why cant I find a way to get more income to get my parents papers so they can go visit their family’s before they cant no more” and just these random and deep thoughts rushed through my head. but the sheer fact was that my grandpa said she was holding on for life a little bit longer so she could see me one last time, because during that time I had to fly out for 2 1/2 month during school schedule to help my Godmother get medicine for her cancer and also get treatment for it as well. She told me to visit her one last time, so we went to go visit her, I hugged her and I just couldn’t see her in that state anymore, the once happy grandma I remember was fading in front of my eyes, we had to leave for my godmother’s treatment and it was hard to just leave, knowing what condition my grandma was at. By the time we left she had succumb to her illness and passed away. I couldn’t process anything during the fist 10 minutes of me getting the news I was just star structed. once we flew back I had to re focus to work on my studies but that year for me was just horrible academic wise and mentally. then 2023-2024 my neighbor side of our home….’Context : we have a house cut down the middle, one side is ours the other side is theirs.’…caught on fire and my mom was calling me to tell what had happen. it was 1st period and I had to tell my teacher and my school that there was an immediate emergency going on at my home, and that I need to to go NOW…’I was stuttering while I was saying all of this’.. so I left and once I got there my mom was trying to get important documents and since it was dangerous and I didn’t approve of her going in, I told her I would go in, but forgot to bring a mask with me causing me to have some side effects after the smoke. I had gotten a little bit of carbon monoxide poisonings so I could do physical stuff for a while until my lungs healed fully but luckily no one was hurt. This is just a lil biography of my bad experiences with Grief and Sorrow. I’m doing much better now.
August 15, 2024 at 3:47 pm
Paige Pereira
Loss and grief it’s the hardest thing anyone person can go through there roads to take to heal some people bottle up the feelings ,some become strong and cry through the pain or they get angry and let out the emotions. Some people don’t know how it will effect your world or your future endeavors. In the year of 2020 of May I had the worst pain I have ever felt I lost my great grandmother the person I called and still call till this day my best friend and my hero she was the most beautiful woman we lost her due to covid 19 in the hospital over the phone . I never experienced pain or lose before I was always hidden from it and saying goodbye for the last time and to think they won’t be there the next day was very hard for me to comprehend. The days leading up to it she started getting sick in her nursing home she was in. she forgot who I was and I had to fight to get the nurses to see she wasn’t in her right mind to make choice for herself and I fought for two days sitting out her window to get them to transfer her to the hospital. To where I begged my great grandmother to agree but to her I was a stranger she finally agreed to be transferred to Charleston Hospital, where she will in the future pass away. after she was transferred, she started to deteriorate slowly her one wish was when she became into the right mind after they gave her. Some medication was that she was never to be put on a ventilator so I promised her that I would always make sure that everybody in my family understood that, the nurses were very sweet at the hospital they sat with her when they knew that we couldn’t be there in person so that she was never alone when it came to her last final day. Everybody in my family gathered around at my grandma’s house. We said goodbye one by one over Phone because due to Covid, we cannot be there in person. I finally realized that I wouldn’t be with her the next day or see her face or hear her voice anymore. as soon as I spoke, the words that I loved her, and I’m gonna miss her and that she will always be with me in my heart struck. My heart started to break down, but it made me realize you can’t take anybody for granted and you have to always live in the moment and be grateful for the people around you still live by that i’m going into the field of nursing because of her.
August 15, 2024 at 4:35 pm
Isaac T.
Grief is a universal experience that profoundly shapes our lives.When you lose someone you love, it feels as though a part of you has been irrevocably altered.Grief can take various forms, such as sadness, anger, and confusion; it’s not a pleasant feeling to have at all.I experienced grief when I lost my grandfather in Springfield during COVID-19.When he passed, I didn’t know how to feel at first because the last time I saw him was a couple of months before his passing due to COVID-19.I have fond memories of him being in high spirits, laughing, and telling jokes.My grandfather spent the majority of his time in a wheelchair because he had lost his leg in the military, but it never stopped him from exploring life.The last time I saw him, I remember hugging him, and the last thing he told me was, ‘You are the only guy among these girls; you are their protector.’Looking back now, it still hurts to hear that.During my senior year, his passing had a significant impact on me.There were days in school when thoughts of him would overwhelm me, and I would break down.I wasn’t in the best headspace at the time.Deep down, I was really sad, but I always tried to put on a smile and fight through it.One school day after practice, I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and I broke down before track practice.It was bothering me the whole day.It was the first time I talked about it with my former teammate, Tydus.He understood and gave me a hug, which was exactly what I needed.I didn’t practice that day, and I walked all the way home crying because that was the only thing that calmed me down.My mental health was suffering, but when I talked about it with my family, I felt a sense of relief.It was better for me to talk about it.I couldn’t go to my grandfather’s funeral because I had school, which hurt even more.Over time, I chose to accept his passing and try to keep his memory alive.He was like another father figure to me, and losing him felt like a piece of our family was gone, causing sharp pain.Experiencing grief and loss led me to believe that our generation needs to seek help when it’s needed the most, rather than bottling personal emotions in.Helping people get over their grief is important to me and my wider community, indicating that our generation must recognize the value of taking time to heal and support one another.By embracing these lessons, we can build a more compassionate society that prioritizes emotional health and collective healing.
August 15, 2024 at 5:55 pm
Natalie W.
Loss can be very tragic, especially from a very young age. Growing up both of my parents were burdened with medical issues. My mother had fought cancer six times by the time I was five, thankfully the cancer was very treatable. On the other hand, my father was constantly battling diabetes and issues with his kidneys. He had multiple surgeries to correct damages diabetes had done to his organs. When I was just nine years old my father had passed away due to a brain hemorrhage which caused him to be put in a coma. He was in the hospital for only two days when my family decided it was best to take him off life support. After he passed, I started to become angry. I wanted to know why my father was taken from me at such a young age. I wanted to know why my family would do that, why I didn’t have a say in if he stayed or not. With no answers from anyone, I decided to cut off contact with them. I was hurt, me and him had a lot of experiences to look forward to, like father daughter dances, him seeing me walk across the stage getting my diploma, helping me move into college, graduating college, walking me down the aisle, etc. I remember kicking, screaming, never wanting to go to the father daughter dances because it was never really the same. I didn’t have a dad like most of the girls at the dances did and I resented them for it. As the years went by, I forgot the sound of his voice, wishing I had one more chance to hear it again. It hurt me that I couldn’t remember his voice. I resented myself. I started going to therapy and soon I felt a little better, the anger faded, and the hole started to close a little. I became less angry and more open to doing the things he loved most to carry on his memory. I started fishing again, hunting, and going to car shows. Little by little I started becoming myself again, hanging out with my friends, and being goofy. Now eight years later the hole has been mostly filled. Do I regret how I acted in the beginning no I do not. I was a young girl who was filled with emotions I had no idea what to do with. But now, being older, I see that my actions and the loss I experienced at such a young age made me the type of person I am today. Loss can take a toll on you as a person and change you. But it is how you handle the loss that you can use it as motivation.
August 15, 2024 at 6:35 pm
Juleun G
I wish I could say grief and loss wasn’t an everyday thing but it is. We have all had some type of grief or loss in our lives. Could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, even a pet that is because that is life. It depends how you handle that grief and loss, are you going to let it put you down for the rest of your life or are you going to work through it. Yeah everyone including me has been down and you can have a cry because if you don’t cry you aren’t even human but it is what you do after don’t let loss put you down for the rest of your life you have to keep moving forward because if you don’t move forward you aren’t taking the path that will help you understand.Their will be many times that you will grieve and times you will lose someone or something that was close to you. You can’t let life put you down because if you let life put you down who knows if you could recover from that. If you lose someone just know there are still others by your side to help you while you grieve but don’t let grief and loss change anything about who you are as a person, don’t let it change your character and most certainly don’t let yourself push the people that you know and love away. Grief and loss is a bad thing but it happens so keep moving forward.
August 15, 2024 at 6:46 pm
Eden L
“Time heals” is the phrase that sharpened my pain. It was the end of the year 2022 a week before Christmas when I lost my grandmother due to cancer. She was the one woman who raised me, educated me and above all showed what loving someone really meant. She was my everything. Losing her was like losing half of myself. I had trouble believing the news, as I last saw her healthy in Ethiopia. The next couple of days after her passing, as Ethiopian tradition people came in and out of our house to pay their respects. With each and every hug came the words “time heals”. I understand the pure intentions of trying to comfort one by saying so, but reality is, it doesn’t. For a loss that I physically couldn’t witness comes no closure. It’s been a little over a year and I still find myself staying up thinking about all of the what ifs. Constantly waiting for the time they supposed would heal me. However, I still find myself crying as I see an Elderly woman with her grandchildren doing activities my grandmother and I used to partake in.Feeling guilt of not being there on her last days. Having resentment towards my family back home for not identifying her symptoms sooner. Therefore no time doesn’t heal, it teaches us. It teaches us to cherish life along with the ones you love.Instead of sitting and waiting for time to heal you, take that time to find ways to honor those you have lost.
August 15, 2024 at 7:41 pm
Gianna M
For as long as I can remember, my Father was the most selfless, passionate and creative person I’ve ever known. As a little kid, I remember looking up to him as for he was a single parent. My mother unfortunately passed away when I was in the 7th grade, it had never affected me much because I only have one memory of her. I’ve always been so extremely proud of him for going to college to pursue the job of an RN. Although he was tired from studying night after night, he still continued to cook for me, take me out of the house and especially made sure I was happy. Some nights, I would even stay at my grandparents house before a big test or times when he needed to stay up twenty-four hours.When he finally graduated from nursing school, I just remember feeling so Incredibly lucky to have this man as my father. I remember my grin taking up my whole face after realizing it finally paid off. Before I knew it, we moved into our first house when I was about 13 years old. He loved that house and the fact that he had been able to do it by himself made him go from a stressed student to a glowing new version of himself. I have thousands of memories surrounding that place I called home. He even wrote a book in his spare time about my brother and I. He spent years on it. The book is about.Science fiction and the bond my brother and I have. Sadly enough, I never would have pictured his Author note to be my first tattoo. As he wrote: “Enjoy, Live and Love.” Now I am here writing this today as it has been 4 months since I’ve gotten to hold his warm hands.He is the reason I am who I am. The reason I’m going to college and pushing myself to be better in life. Although my heart is shattered into a trillion pieces, the determination and strive I have from him is helping put it back together. I’m now going to college to pursue a career in business. I am now following in his footsteps. I am now on my healing journey.
August 15, 2024 at 11:40 pm
Connor M.
Grieving a loss is a difficult process, and up until high school I never really understood what it was like to lose someone close to me. Emotional things never came to me easily, so I traditionally used humor to ease the painful feelings. I learned that joking around wouldn’t solve all problems when my best friends mother passed away during our freshman year summer. It was tough dealing with that loss, and it left an imprint on how I delt with conflict in the future.
This summer I would not have expected to be put into that same predicament once again. Through seeing another one of my friends dealing with the deep pain of loosing a parent I knew the better way to help them deal with the grieving process. The main perspective that I feel needs to be taken away when you loose someone unexpectedly is that you have to embrace the activities enjoyed by them. Even if you are not close to a person that has passed the grief can effect you no matter what. Looking forward towards the future, and making sure to spend time with those that you love is also needed if the loss is not close towards you. That helps turn a negative situation towards a positive outlook that those that you have lost would have wanted for you. This is what I used to help my other friend grieve through there current losses. Overall I feel that through grieving and losing loved ones the best thing to do is live in their memory, and don’t let your time go to waste sitting around but rather spend it how they loved seeing it.
August 16, 2024 at 12:17 am
Skyla Q
I once believed that grief was a solitary, linear process, something you move through alone, step by step, until you arrive at acceptance. This belief began to change when I lost my grandfather during junior year of high school. His passing wasn’t just a moment of loss, it became a continuous experience that rippled through my family, each of us affected in different ways at different times. I realized that grief isn’t something you just “get over” but something you carry with you, evolving as you do.
During this time, I noticed how my family and I would fluctuate between sorrow, anger, and even moments of joy as we reminisced about him. This shifting emotional landscape made me question the idea of closure. I came to understand that grief is not about finding an end but about learning to live with the weight of loss, letting it shape you without letting it define you.
As I enter college, this belief becomes more significant. In a new environment, I know I will encounter peers who have experienced their own forms of loss. My understanding of grief allows me to empathize with others, fostering connections based on shared humanity. This belief encourages a culture of openness and support within the college community, where grief isn’t shunned but embraced as a part of life’s complex experiences.
August 16, 2024 at 1:23 am
Kelsey S
A loss that I suffered was the passing of my great grandmother. We were extremely close from the moment we met. She would babysit me all day long as my mother who was a struggling single mom worked to provide for me and my sister. Me and nana had an amazing bond. She was my absolute best friend, the person I told everything to and spent all my days with. She took care of me until she was too sick to take care of herself and even then, she thought of me first. She had some health issues where she was put into a medically induced coma and the first thing she asked for when waking up was me. During her stays in the hospital I was with her every single day and even then she tried giving me her food and scooting over to make room for me in her small hospital bed. She was the most selfless woman I have ever met in my life. She eventually got well enough to come back home where I helped her with daily tasks and spent quality time with her. A couple of years later, she was diagnosed with COVID. She fought a strong battle but ultimately it took her life. She is the greatest loss I have ever suffered. I miss her with my whole heart and think of her everyday. Everything I do is to make her proud. I currently work as a cna where I form similar bonds with my patients to fill the missing void she left upon her passing.
September 4, 2024 at 4:04 am
Dear Kelsey,
Your story about your great grandmother is deeply moving, and it’s clear that the bond you shared was incredibly special. The way you cared for her in her final years and the fact that you were the first person she asked for after waking up from her coma speaks volumes about the depth of your connection.
Losing someone so selfless and loving is a profound loss, and it’s touching to see how you honor her memory every day through your work as a CNA.
August 16, 2024 at 1:41 am
Akeelah H-
Time is a precious thing and I had to learn the hard way why that was. My belief that I chose was time. The event that changed my perspective on time was when my grandfather passed away in Jamaica while I was on the phone with him in America. I was around eight then, and my mom wanted me to come to America from Jamaica to continue my education and be closer to her. My grandfather as a kid was my best friend, he would bring me to school on his bike, and get my lunch. He even worked in the school’s kitchen to be closer to me and watch out for me. Sometimes he would bring me around on his bike and ride together while he ran errands for my grandmother. My mother lived in America, working multiple jobs and trying to make enough money for me and my siblings so she could one day bring me up there with her. Well, that day came and I traveled by myself up to see my mother. A few months into my stay there my mom got a call saying my grandfather had lung cancer. And because my grandfather smoked and never really went to the doctors seriously they caught the cancer at too late of a stage. When I found out I was around the age of eight, I was young and never really truly understood what was happening but I sensed that something was wrong when I watched how my mom responded during the call. She handed the phone to me and I tried saying hello and asking him how he was doing but he was too weak to speak. My heart broke even more when my sister on the other line told me that he was opening his mouth and trying to respond to me but nothing was coming out. I handed the phone back to my mom and within minutes my mom’s eyes started pouring. I tried asking her what was going on and what was happening and all she could tell me was, “They said he is traveling!” Traveling in Jamaica means passing away or dying. When I heard that I immediately broke down, I sat on the flower crying hysterically. My shirt was soaked and my eyes were bloodshot red from all the crying I did. A part of me blamed myself a little for his passing because everyone around me would say maybe if he saw me one last time he would have lived a little longer. At that very moment, I started to regret coming up to see my mom. I regret not visiting more frequently because, in the back of my mind, I believed that he would never die or pass away.
Others should listen to my belief because it’s important to make memories and live your life with your family and friends. After all, you may never know when you will lose them.
Time is a precious thing that waits for no one. How can one make the most of the time they have left?
August 16, 2024 at 2:42 am
Myalise R
Grief is the worst feeling anyone could go through. It’s the response to losing someone close to you and it can change you in a way. I didn’t know how it felt until this year losing my grandmother, I wasn’t sure how to handle my emotions. I was angry, sad, and in denial. I was close to my grandmother and I felt like I could go to her for a problem I had and I knew she would do anything for me and I would do the same for her. I questioned why she was taken from this world and why people have to pass away? Why couldn’t she just live forever.
The passing of my grandmother affected me, and my family in different ways. Her passing has also opened my eyes, and I have learned something from it. I learned that you need to love the people around you and don’t take it for granted, because you never know when it will be the last time you ever see them.
Grief is important to me, and to everyone because it’s something that people face and it’s not an easy thing to go through. At one point in someone’s life they will understand the struggle of grief and realize how hard and challenging losing someone you love is. Everyone has different beliefs and opinions on how to handle grief, but I believe no one deserves to go through it. I will never want to experience, or think about grief ever again. Grief is the worst thing I have gone through.
August 16, 2024 at 2:45 am
Nia R.
I used to believe that grief was a sad process to go through. However, my perspective has fully changed once I lost my brother to suicide. I used to think that once people fell into the hole of sadness and isolation they could never move on. Some people cannot move on, but others like me can change the perspective on grief.
I lost my brother right before the start of my senior year of high school. It left me lost; I did not know what to do or who to reach out to. I am not used to showing my emotions to people, so I had to constantly keep busy. As I found different tasks to do, I was able to realize that I can help people with their struggles. With that, I reached out to one of the clubs that I was the president of. I wanted to destigmatize mental health in my school community. To do this I created and developed different activities that raised awareness of certain aspects of mental health. As I was completing the activities, I was always thinking of my brother; hoping I was making him proud.
Throughout my senior year, I did struggle with keeping my emotions in check, however I used that as motivation. In the end, I knew that my grieving experience was different than most. I was able to use something unfortunate and change it into something impactful. Grief does not have to be a sad and draining experience. I believe that we can all find a way to change grief into something positive that can help support our UMassD community.
August 16, 2024 at 3:36 am
Elyza Arnold
I used to always be the person that thought time was endless, and that you had all the time in the world with the ones around you. You never want to believe that at some point, the ones around you won’t be there with you anymore. Even though I wanted to believe that the loss of someone I knew my entire life but wasn’t around much wouldn’t bother me, it really did. It changed the way I went about life.
I wasn’t around her much but you never expect your mom to pass away. For me, I was always under the idea that she has always been here so how could she just be gone. When she passed away unexpectedly last summer, I was at a loss of words. I hadn’t seen her for a long time and just thought I had more time. I always assumed that this time wouldn’t come, so I just kept pushing off when I would see her.
The biggest lesson that this has taught me is that if you want to do something, then just do it because once the opportunity is gone, then it may never come back again. I missed so many opportunities where I could have gone to see her and it would have just taken a couple hour of my day. Till this day, I still regret my last time seeing her. I wasn’t having the best day and I just left without saying much to her. I hurts to think about the idea that my last time seeing her, I never said anything to her and was somewhat rude.
In the end, you never know when it’s you last time seeing someone. Even though you never want to think about a loss of a love one, always try to leave them in a way that you would be okay if it happened to be your last.
September 4, 2024 at 3:07 pm
Hi Elyza, I lost a family member more than a decade ago, my father, and I thought the same way. I used to think deaths wouldn’t affect me, and they didn’t, at least back then. But now I realize that I just never tackled the grief head on, grieving the right way is hard. You always expect stuff to be normal when you get home, you never really know the last day you’ll see someone.
August 16, 2024 at 3:53 am
Alyanna T.
I thankfully never knew the process of grief until I reached Highschool. Even though I had some unfortunate losses in my family as a child, I was never really impacted by it. I never had to really think deeply and process what actually was going on, other than the fact that a family member was gone and I would see them later on.
Once I reached high school that all had changed. During your high school years you tend to go through a lot of changes emotionally and physically. This is the time where you start to find yourself. On top of that whole process I had experienced one of the most traumatic and life changing experience of loosing my favorite cousin. I was 15 years old when this happened. My sophomore year of high school. My mental health was already declining due to personal reasons, and I had to learn how to navigate through such an emotional burden.
I am someone who never liked to talk about my feelings so I tend to keep things bottled up inside. I never spoke about how my cousins death shifted my perspective of life. How can anyone really want to open up and speak about something so traumatic all while trying to process the fact that this was indeed real? This whole ordeal of keeping everything to myself really took a toll on my life. I began to fall out of love with the sport I played since I was 5 years old, started giving up in school, did not care for friendships, I even stopped having an appetite. I honestly lost myself during this whole grieving process. While everyone around me was learning who they were and what they wanted to become in life, I was becoming unrecognizable, and not in a good way.
I felt like even though my family was grieving as well, I was alone with no one on my side. Nobody really talks about how dark life can get while dealing with grief. It’s like everyone understands death is real and unexpected, but no one talks about what happens after when everyone else is left to deal with the void of a person. If there is one word to describe the grief process, I would honestly say “rollercoaster”. You go through so many changes and emotions and thoughts day by day. You can feel great one day, sad another, angry because you’re still here living life and the other person is not or even just feel numb and tired. All of those feelings are normal and valid. There is honestly no true way to deal with grief. It is different for everyone. Never let anyone tell you how to deal with such a heartbreak because it is honestly life changing, whether you want to believe it or not. You must know that you are not alone, that it is okay to feel the way you do and that there is not timeframe you must follow in order to “heal”. You must do what feels right to you. Make sure to pick yourself up along the way and to remind yourself that it is all normal. Grief needs to be talked about more to make everyone aware of the process.
Thankfully I am entering college this year, where most if not everyone has experienced death and grief in their lifetime. It will be nice to hear how others dealt with this process, and even though the deaths may be different, many of us could’ve coped the same way. I may even learn new coping mechanisms and how to approach discussions about death and learn not to be afraid of it. As sad as it may sound, grief and loss are apart of life We must learn how to make the process easier to deal with.
August 21, 2024 at 4:10 pm
Kiana D
For the longest time I thought that someone passing would was the worst way you could lose a loved one. That was until recently, and I have found there are more painful ways to lose a loved one.
Back in May of last year my grandma had a stroke, leaving the left half of her body paralyzed ever since. Though it caused a lot of new struggles for her she was still herself, the loud, crazy, weird and lovable women I knew growing up. Over the last year though her health has continued to deteriorate rapidly. Then a few months ago she had a seizure. She has had a few in the past but unlike the previous times she didn’t come back from this one. She was later diagnosed with a mild form of dementia. She’s now in a care facility because she is no longer capable of caring for herself. I visit her when I can, but sometimes it’s hard. Most days it takes her a minute to recognize me and sometimes I’m not even sure if she really does. She rarely makes full coherent sentences, and has a distant, far off look in her eyes. I wish I could say that she still looks like herself, but she is a frail shell of her old self, which only hurts more. Mentally, she is almost completely gone. Every now and then a bit of her old self will show through, in a funny comment, or in the time she grabbed my hand and just held it for a bit. I never thought this would be her end, that this is how things would be when she went. I thought she would be stubborn and lively until the end, just as she had been my whole life.
Looking at a loved one, seeing their face but knowing the person you loved, you knew, you grew up with is no longer there is a different kind of pain. It feels so wrong to have to grieve the loss of someone who is still here. Every time I see something of hers or something that reminds me of her, the pain comes back full force knowing that I can no longer make memories with that version of her again. This experience has not only changed my views on loss but on life as well. I cherish my time with my family and friends far more now and I let them know how much they all mean to me more frequently. So, if you are reading this, maybe tell someone close to you that you love them today. You don’t know when you won’t be able to anymore.
August 21, 2024 at 10:16 pm
Jay B.
I am no stranger to grief, i have seen it in every way, shape and form. I have felt it deep in my soul, a far away place i didnt know existed. I have seen it on the eyes on my family members and their tearful words, i have seen it in media, on TV, in books- ive been a witness to types of grief that are out of the “norm”. But there were two instances were i truly felt grief for the first time.
Me and my family foster, i live with my aunt and siblings and in february of 2020 we were called to see we if could pick up a 5 day old- drug withdrawn newborn from the NICU for a night. We agreed. then that turned into the whole weekend, and then a week, and then Covid hit and we decided to keep her until further notice. This baby, who we nicknamed Bean was the kindness child we had ever met. our entire family fell so in love with her, ive never met a funnier toddler. she was so kind, and despite being half the size she needed to be she was the smartest baby most people had met. 4 days before her third birthday DCF decided her mother was ready to take her back, and that is the first time i experienced grieving someone who was still alive, but so so out of my reach.
the second time I experienced real grief was after the death of my mother. My mother had lost two partners back to back and ended up succumbing to an addiction relapse. the guilt, shame, regret, and anger is something i had never experienced before. I had never known was grief anger was like until last October when i lost her. i was mad at her, her addiction, her relapse. i was mad at everyone who tried to comfort me, those who didnt try, the ones who asked how i was, and the ones that didnt. i was angry at the people who got to have their mothers at their 18th birthday, their graduation, moving into college.. i was mad at anyone who had a mother at all. i wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
this grief has taught me how to cope, how to accept help, how to ask for it. this grief has taught me how to ration my energy, how to find and appreciate real friendships, and how to know when someone doesnt have your best interest in mind. though it was some of the worst feelings i have ever felt, it has helped me grow.
August 26, 2024 at 9:02 pm
Caitlin S.
The sorrow of losing a father is often shrouded in the grief of knowing they are gone, their presence forever sealed beneath the earth. Yet, my grief is different. I mourn not a father lost to the grave but a man who is very much alive. A man who remains distant, a shadow on the edge of my world.
I dreaded the days spent in his house, anticipating the sting of his anger and the sharpness of his words. Although the physical and emotional scars from his aggression are forever etched into me, it is the quieter, more insidious moments of his cruelty that haunt me most.
Now, as I sit with friends, their laughter over childhood memories starkly contrast with my dissociation. I struggle to recall moments before the age of thirteen, as his shadow darkens my memories. However, I am not angry with him anymore, as I understand he too is navigating this life for the first time. But the grace I extend to him does not dissolve the pain of unanswered questions: Why did you take it out on me? Why must I bear the burden of YOUR actions? Why do you move on while I remain scarred? Why must I grief the pieces you stole from me and the biological father I never had?
Now, as a young adult, I find my unhealed inner child desperate to provide him unlimited chances, with the hope that one day he will change and all wounds will heal. Instead, his returns deepen the wounds, magnifying the pain and disappointment with every failed promise. Brief moments of hope only became new sources of sorrow, each visit a reminder of what I have lost and what I can never fully reclaim.
In the midst of my ever-deepening grief, I am left to ponder my final question in which I extend to you: Am I a bad person for wishing I could have simply mourned him from 6 feet above?
August 31, 2024 at 5:41 pm
Landon H.
When I was younger I always had instances of people coming and going from my life. From my parents separation to old friends moving on in life, I never really felt to big about it. It always just felt like a common occurrence to me, so much to the point where it became a norm. But I never really expected someone so close to me to leave my life, forever.
My grandfather suffered from a very massive case of dementia, so much so that he had to be point into a home a few years prior. Each time I would go and see him, he would forget me more and more, to the point where I was just a complete stranger to him. But that never stopped me from going to see him, because I loved him so much.
But a few years later, just a couple days before my birthday. He sadly passed away. And that day it hit me, its okay to feel sad when someone leave your life. That day I felt so much pain knowing that I would never see him again. And then I began to feel the pain of all the other times someone has left him life.
From that day on I knew that I had to cherish the time I had with everyone, like each day could be the last. I keep everyone close to me knowing that one day they could leave too. But that never stops me from having the time of my life. But I still catch myself from time to time, really missing my grandfather, and even missing some other people in my life.
I think we all need to take our time with everyone in our lives, especially in a time like this where sadly we wont be seeing those people much anymore. Cherish the time you do have, and don’t be afraid of the time you may not have .
September 3, 2024 at 5:05 pm
Michaela V
The death of a parent is a life altering event that, no matter the age, reshapes your perspective on life. When my dad had died I was 13 years old. From a young age I was forced to face the fragility of life and the inevitability of death.
Before the passing of dad, I saw the world through the lens of a young, naive, impressionable lens. I believed that there was always time to mend broken relationships and make amends. My parents had gone through a long and grueling divorce that spanned over the last 5 years of my father’s life. This caused me to take the time I had with him for granted because I had been taking in my mother’s very biased and negative opinions on my own dad. His sudden departure shattered this lens I had been looking at the world through. It had instilled a sense of urgency in me. His death made me realize everyone’s time on Earth is extremely limited. I had suddenly realized that everything is temporary. This newfound awareness made me more appreciative of the present moment and the people and connections I have created in my life.
Grief is something that you never fully understand until you, yourself goes through it. For me I tried to take the situation I was put in and tried learn and grow from it. At times this was extremely difficult and I had felt like my whole world was collapsing. In the wake of my dad’s death, I had to navigate through a sea of emotions from anger and denial to healing and acceptance.